


I Shall Not Want

by delicateclarity



Category: Glee
Genre: Alternate Universe, Catholic School, Dalton Academy, M/M, Religion
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-12
Updated: 2014-11-12
Packaged: 2018-02-22 16:14:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 34,628
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2514014
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/delicateclarity/pseuds/delicateclarity
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Blaine Anderson is a good Catholic schoolboy at Archbishop Dalton Academy. When Sebastian transfers to the school, Blaine finds his life suddenly turned upside down. He struggles to make peace between himself and his religion with the help of Sebastian, Quinn, the Warblers, and his family.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Wow!! I’m a little reluctant to admit that this fic has been in the works for over a year now, at least from when I first had the idea to make Dalton a Catholic school. I just graduated from my own Catholic school this spring, and I must admit, this was very fulfilling. Coming up with character backgrounds for this was some of the most fun I’ve ever had, and I’m glad I was able to incorporate everything into the actual fic. I’ve never been so relieved to finish a fic before, I’m so excited for people to finally see this! 
> 
> Moving on to thanks… I’d like to first and foremost thank my totally amazing artist [Rose](http://boldmistakes.tumblr.com), for creating a beautiful piece of art for this, as well as helping me out with the actual writing of the fic. Thanks to my beta [Courtney](http://blessbuckybarnes.tumblr.com), for listening to me bemoan how far behind I was/how much I was struggling for actual months without complaint, and for making this fic so much better than it would have been. You can view the art on the fic post on my blog [here!](http://bisexualsteve.tumblr.com/post/102480548233/fic-i-shall-not-want-blaine-big-bang) Now go on, and I hope you enjoy!
> 
> The wonderful heavenorspace also made some art for this, thank you very much! [Link nsfw.](http://heavenorspace.tumblr.com/post/104861883919/for-the-gorgeous-i-shall-not-want-seblaine-au-by)

**Sebastian**

He had known that it had to happen eventually.

It’s not like they didn’t know before, but they’d been able to ignore it, and he guesses that seeing another guy - a naked one, to be fair - beneath their son kind of shatters any sort of blissful ignorance they’d been able to have so far.

His father is the one who speaks, short and cold. “Sebastian, we’ll see you downstairs in a minute. Clean up.”

Sebastian knows that his father has been waiting for this in some way, and Sebastian just wishes that he hadn’t turned around to see the look on his mother’s face. The guy below him is frozen, and he manages to roll his eyes as he climbs off and starts to get dressed.

***

They’re waiting in the living room, or “the parlor,” as his mom usually insists on calling it. His father is standing with his arms crossed in front of his chest while his mother sits on the sofa.

“Have a seat, son,” his dad says to him as he enters the room, trying to hide his fear.

He does, sitting down on the edge of the other couch, unable to feel comfortable with their eyes on him.

There’s silence for a minute and Sebastian can’t even raise his head to look his father in the eye.

“We have decided to transfer you to Archbishop Dalton Academy for Boys,” his father says in a clipped voice, breaking the silence.

Sebastian almost chokes. “ _Archbishop_ -”

Tersely, his father cuts him off. “Yes. It’s a Catholic boarding school. They do not put up with - nonsense,” he says, lip curling. “Especially your kind.”

Sebastian feels his ears flush hotly.

“The school year just started, how are you going to transfer me already?” he manages.

“We have been in contact with them prior to this, and they assured us there would be a spot open for you if we determined you needed it. They are fully aware of your situation, and they insist that their school has had success with sorting out that type of problem with boys before.”

A biting remark about an anti-gay program at an all boy’s school dies on his lips, so he says nothing.

“Oh, Sebastian,” his mother’s soft voice finally comes from his left, and Sebastian shuts his eyes for a moment to gather himself.

“We just want what’s best for you. You - _insisting_ \- to be like this makes your father and I so sad, especially with your problems in school, too. We think that Dalton will be a really good place for you.”

“Problems - I have great grades, the only time I cause problems in class is when the teacher is being moronic or the other kids are being fucking stupid,” Sebastian fights, knowing it’s a losing battle.

“Do not use that language, and don’t try to fight this, it’s already been decided,” his father says with a tone of finality.

Sebastian sinks into the couch, feeling more hopeless than he has in years.

There’s a string of sentences he wants to say, but all that comes out is a dull, “When do I start?”

The first signs of happiness show on his parents’ faces, and as his father says, “Monday,” he starts coming to terms with his fate.

***

Sebastian’s room is small, a single - they’re probably afraid of what he would do to his roommate. There’s a small bed in the middle, a nightstand, a dresser, and a closet. There are a few other furnishings, like lamps, but it’s pretty bare. He guesses that making it a home is his responsibility.

His dad brings in a suitcase, and Sebastian goes out into the hallway to bring in the last of his stuff. Out of the corner of his eye, he can see a boy watching him, navy and red blazer noticeable before it flashes back into the room across the hall.

He’s cute. Absentmindedly, he wonders if the stories he had heard about all boys schools are true in a Catholic environment.

Once everything is inside, it’s time for his parents to say goodbye. His mother embraces him tightly, and he wraps his slack arms around her. “This is what’s best for you, Sebastian. I know you don’t believe me yet, but it will be. I love you so much, sweetheart, I’m going to miss you. We’ll visit soon,” she whispers into his ear - she has to be on her toes for that, she must not want his father to hear. Sebastian swallows a lump in his throat and feels the hot press of tears against the back of his eyes as he squeezes tightly and says, “I love you too, mom,” before he releases her.

His father stands before him appraisingly. “I’m glad that you agreed to go to this school, Sebastian. I think it will do you good. Now, listen to me. Because of your situation, the school has asked for some leeway with you, and I have granted it. You are not to talk about your homosexuality with anyone, except your teachers, who will be aware. I don’t know what the purpose is, but you must obey. This is not some silly public school where you can do whatever you want and get away with it, this is a prestigious school and you must act the part. Follow the Honor Code, behave, and you might not have to return here for your senior year. Do you understand?”

Sebastian feels numb. Did his father just tell him not to be out? Why does that matter to the staff? The idea sends shivers up his spine, but he finds himself nodding and saying in a quiet voice that isn’t his, could never belong to him, “I understand.”

His father nods, clapping a hand to Sebastian’s shoulder for a moment before saying, “We’ll see you during Thanksgiving break.”

Turning, he says, “Come on, Mariana.” His mother waves sadly once more, follows his father out the door, and Sebastian is left alone in an empty room.

***

**Blaine**

There’s a new boy at Dalton.

He moves into the room across from Blaine, empty because Matt, who’d lived there before, had graduated that spring. Blaine wonders why he’s transferring this early in the school year, why he didn’t just start the year here.

Blaine realizes that he’s staring - fortunately, the boy hasn’t noticed, and Blaine quickly goes back into his room. The boy doesn’t really look happy to be here, and his parents are severe looking.

He decides to ask the Warblers what they knew about him tomorrow. They really are such gossip queens.

***

Of course, Blaine oversleeps the next morning. He had turned his alarm off in his sleep again, so when his backup alarm goes off he barely has time to shower and get ready before he has to run out to get to class on time. He’s missed breakfast, but he knows that Jeff will give him a granola bar in first period English. He always gets something for Blaine when he misses breakfast (which is not _that_ often, thank you).

Unfortunately, he’s even later than usual, and the second he’s out the door, prayer comes on over the intercom. He groans, letting himself lean back against the door for one second before closing his eyes, lowering his head, and lacing his fingers together as Ms. Martin’s crackly voice begins morning prayer. He listens intently, smiling to himself and letting tension leak from his shoulders - he’ll worry about being late in a few minutes.

He hears the door across from him open and close, and hears the shuffle of footsteps across carpet suddenly cease. It has to be the new boy, this hallway is all singles. Blaine wonders why he’s running late his first day, but figures he can ask as soon as prayer ends.

It does, a minute later, Blaine breaking the immediate silence with an “Amen,” as he opens his eyes to find the new boy’s eyes locked on him. It makes his breath catch, he had expected them to be directed at the floor.

The new boy is... tall. And smirking at Blaine, a little.

It takes Blaine off guard, and he stutters a little when he introduces himself. “U-um, hi! You must be the new transfer. I’m Blaine Anderson,” he holds out his hand to shake, and the boy takes it, gripping his hand firmly and lingering a little longer than is custom. He’s still smiling at Blaine as he says, “Sebastian Smythe.”

There’s a beat of silence.

“Is there a prayer every morning?” Sebastian asks. Blaine nods. “Of course! It’s not the same one, but before our first class of the day, after the last one, and before lights out, we have prayer. It puts the day into segments pretty nicely, I think.”

“Wow, this school is... really Catholic,” Sebastian huffs out a laugh, rubbing at the back of his head.

Eyebrows raising, Blaine can’t help but ask, “Are you not?”

Sebastian shakes his head. “No, and I went to public school before this. Well, for the past year, anyway. I’ve never been to a religious school before. Talk about an adjustment, right?” he smiles at Blaine again.

“Well, not everyone here is Catholic, so you’re not alone, don’t worry! There are a lot of guys here for the education.”

“And you?”

“Both, I guess? I’ve been to Catholic school since first grade, but never boarding school before I came to Dalton freshman year. I think you’re really gonna like it here. Although I have heard from some of the guys that the Masses are pretty long for non-Catholics,” Blaine laughs.

The late bell punctuates his sentence, and Blaine’s eyes widen as he says, “Oh my gosh, now I’m really late. I lost track of time! We have to go to get late passes from the main office, or they won’t let us into class. They’ll probably cut you some slack because it’s your first day, but I’m definitely getting a demerit for this. Just... pretend you got lost, and then I found you on my way to the office?”

“Lying! Now there’s something I know a little more about. And here I thought you were some upstanding moral Catholic schoolboy, Blaine Anderson,” Sebastian says as they walk to the office.

“Well, there’s nothing wrong with fibbing a little, is there? Don’t make me feel bad, oh my goodness,” Blaine says lightly.

The rest of the walk is small talk about each other, nothing of substance, and as they pass some classrooms Blaine can see turned heads inside them.

Blaine shows Sebastian into the office before making his way over to the desk.

“Good morning, Ms. Klum,” he says with a cautious smile. She smiles playfully back. “Someone forget to set their alarm this morning?” she asks sweetly. She graduated from Dalton’s sister school not a decade earlier, and the boys at school adore her.

“Slept through it again, unfortunately. Do you think you could write me a pass?” Blaine asks her, reaching for one to fill out already. He starts to fill out his name before jumping. “Oh! This is -”

“Sebastian Smythe,” Sebastian finishes, striding across the room. “Transfer. Today’s my first day, is there somewhere I’m supposed to go? I don’t have a schedule or anything.”

“Straight to guidance with you!” Ms. Klum points down the hallway. “Here’s your pass, Blaine. Don’t let me see you in here for at least a week!” she finishes mock-threateningly.

Blaine holds his arms up innocently. “I will do my best.” Turning to Sebastian, he says, “I guess I’ll see you later then! Good luck on your first day!” Blaine skitters out of the room with a quick thanks to Ms. Klum, rushing to his first class.

“Is he always like that?” Sebastian asks, amused.

“Blaine’s a real sweetheart. He’s such a blessing to this school. He’s in SGA, does community service, and he always volunteers at our Open Houses for school…” Ms. Klum lists.

Raising his eyebrows, Sebastian looks impressed. “Glad we have close rooms. I hope we have classes together,” he says, before walking to the guidance office.

***

Blaine doesn’t really think too much about Sebastian the rest of the morning, as he’s busy with classes. He doesn’t see him at lunch, so he eats with the Warblers as usual.

The Warblers are talking about the upcoming auditions. They’re hoping to replace a few seniors who had graduated the year before, and they’re talking about potential students.

It’s the responsibility of all Warblers to listen closely to other students while they’re in the shower, to see if any shower singers could be a potential asset.

Wes and David are discussing the pros and cons of allowing freshmen to join, and that’s how it starts.

“You know, there’s a new transfer student. I think he’s a junior, maybe _he_ could audition. I don’t know if he can sing, but I don’t know if we want to add only freshmen this year,” Blaine says, adding to the conversation.

Wes looks at him curiously. “Is that the guy you were walking with today? What’s his name?”

“Yeah. That’s Sebastian Smythe. He got the room across from me and we were both running late this morning,” Blaine answers.

Wes and David exchange a look but say nothing.

“What?” Blaine asks curiously. Sometimes he wonders if Wes and David are telepathic, mothering him without saying a word.

Wes sighs before saying, “People are talking about him, Blaine, and well… it’s not good. One of the guys at Dalton used to go to school with him and - let’s just say we’re not sure he’s Warbler material. I don’t want to say what happened and break the trust of this individual, but - and there’s really no way to put this nicely - stay away from him, Blaine.” His voice has  tone of finality and Blaine is visibly taken aback.

“He was perfectly nice to me this morning, Wes,” Blaine rubs uncomfortably at the back of his neck. “I’m not sure I feel okay with - _ignoring_ another student who hasn’t done anything wrong. You won’t even tell me what he’s supposedly done, Wes, how can I be cruel to him? I didn’t take you to believe what is essentially hearsay.”

Wes is quiet for a minute, pensive, before speaking again. “I’ve always looked after you, Blaine, right?”

Blaine nods. “Of course. You’ve helped me so much in high school.”

“Then will you trust me on this? Please?” Wes asks seriously.

Blaine hesitates. Then, “I’ll try, Wes. It just doesn’t seem right.”

He doesn’t see Sebastian for the rest of the day. Feeling disturbed after the conversation with Wes, Blaine begs out of his last two periods, claiming a headache.

He falls asleep once he’s back in his room. He has an uneasy conscience; he just wants to lay down.

***

Blaine is awoken by a knock at the door, and he blearily sits up as he croaks out, “Come in.”

It’s Jeff. He’s carrying something and laughs when he sees Blaine rubbing his eyes. After handing Blaine something, he sits down on Blaine’s bed.

“You missed dinner,” Jeff nods to the container, which is still warm. Blaine takes the lid off and studies what’s inside, before smiling sweetly.

“Thanks, Jeff. One of these days you should just let me go hungry so I stop accidentally missing these things,” Blaine says as he takes a spoonful of the mashed potatoes Jeff brought back for him.

“Well, you’re always there for me. I think I can bring you food a couple times,” Jeff laughs, nudging Blaine’s leg with his own.

“Speaking of - have you and Nick made up yet?” Blaine asks.

Jeff’s face falls. “No. I catch him _looking_ at me, but he won’t talk to me. He’s my best friend and I just -”

With a frustrated noise, Jeff cuts himself off, and Blaine hesitates before speaking again.

“You know… I might be able to help you more if you would just tell me what happened,” he says, setting his food down next to him.

Jeff is quiet for a minute, a faraway look in his eyes. “I wish I could, Blaine, but I just… we’ll have to figure this out on our own.”

Placing a hand on Jeff’s knee, Blaine nods. “You will.”

Jeff won’t meet his eyes, just gives an almost inaudible sigh. “I hope you’re right, Blaine.”

***

Jeff doesn’t end up staying for too long, but when he leaves Blaine continues to wonder at what happened between Jeff and Nick. They’ve been attached at the hip for as long as Blaine had known them, which is why Blaine was so surprised when this whole problem began.

_A rapid knock at the door._

_Blaine startles. It’s almost lights out - why would anyone visit this late?_

_He opens the door and instantly feels like someone has dropped an ice cube into his stomach._

_It’s Jeff, and he’s been crying. He looks like he might burst into tears again at any moment, and Blaine reaches his arms out helplessly, without touching him, before saying, “Oh my - come inside,” and ushering Jeff into his room._

_While Blaine closes the door, Jeff delicately sits on the edge of Blaine’s bed. Blaine sits next to him and says nothing._

_“I messed up, Blaine,” Jeff says shakily, running a hand through his hair and staring at the floor._

_Blaine’s heart plummets, and he tries to mask the dread and fear in his voice as he asks, “What - what happened?”_

_“I was with Nick and…” Jeff’s voice dies, and Blaine grabs his arm urgently and asks, “Is he alright? What_ happened _, Jeff, oh my god?”_

_“He’s fine, but I’m pretty sure he hates me, Blaine,” Jeff says, staring at his hands in his lap._

_“Well, that’s just not true!” Blaine says, relaxing slightly. “You guys have been best friends forever, nothing could make him hate you. It’s perfectly normal for friends to fight sometimes.”_

_“This could make him hate me. You didn’t see him, he was so…” Jeff sighs shakily, unconsciously shaking his head slightly. “Can I stay here for tonight?”_

_“Of course you can,” Blaine nods quickly._

_It takes a long time for either of them to fall asleep, but Blaine thinks Jeff says, “Wish I could tell you. Wish I could tell anyone,” before drifting off._

_He doesn’t reply, but he does pray, for Jeff’s guidance and for hope of a resolution with Nick._

***

The next day life proceeds as usual until Blaine gets to religion. The first semester of junior year is morality, and so far Blaine’s found it sort of enjoyable. The topics they’ve discussed so far haven’t been too controversial and have mostly been educating the students about how Catholic morality works.

And, to his surprise, Sebastian is in this class, filling the seat that was previously empty.

The seat that just so happens to be right next to Blaine’s.

Blaine sits down in his seat tentatively, unsure of how to behave. He wants to heed what Wes told him, but it just seems wrong to completely ignore him if he’s right next to Blaine.

_Maybe he won’t talk to me and this whole thing can be avoided._

“Hey, Blaine,” Sebastian says, and Blaine turns to find Sebastian grinning at him.

His resolve crumbles.

“Hi, Sebastian,” he says, trying to mask his misgivings. “How was your first day?”

Sebastian shrugs. “Would have been better if I’d known I had a class with you.”

Blaine feels warmth creep up his neck to his face.

“Also…” Sebastian adds, lip curling in a way Blaine isn’t sure is a smile, “there seem to be some rumors spreading about me already, and not so flattering, either. Well, a few of them are,” he grins again and his eyes flash as Blaine tries not to squirm.

“I haven’t heard any, but it is an all boy’s school, sometimes they don’t have anything better to do,” Blaine laughs, hoping he doesn’t sound too nervous.

“Mm. I can think of a few things,” Sebastian says with hooded eyes, but before Blaine can ask, the teacher is calling the class to stand for prayer.

The teacher is a woman in her late 50s who’s worked at Dalton forever. Mrs. Brighton is strict with students and loose with punishments, but she’s kind enough if her students are hard-working and respectful. Blaine’s never been on her bad side, but Trent had been there, once, and it had been terrifying just to be in the same room at the time.

Mrs. Brighton finishes her lesson on Catholic Social Teaching near the end of class. After a break of about a minute, she calls the boys’ attention again by saying, “Well, what you’ve been waiting for is finally here! We are finally starting on the moral issues that plague our society. Now that we have established the basis of morality, I know that I can trust you to treat these issues with the seriousness and respect they deserve. Therefore, I do not expect to have any issues starting with the topic of homosexuality on Monday.”

She stares at the boys. “As with many issues we will discuss in this class, we must not only respect and observe the teaching of the Church, but those who disagree. Remember: hate the sin, not the sinner.”

Blaine hears Sebastian huff out a laugh beside him, and glances at him curiously. Blaine thinks that that’s odd, because not judging the person is a relief from the last semester, when his teacher went on several rants against sinners. It had made Blaine very uncomfortable because - wasn’t it all about love? That’s what he thought it was about. At the end of the semester, Blaine left John 8:2-11 on Mr. McDermott’s desk. Blaine still feels rebellious when he thinks about it. He’d stayed up the night before ensuring that the script he wrote it in would be unrecognizable as his. At first he had just wanted to leave the most famous phrase from it - “ _Let any one of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone_ ” - but in the end, he figured that the entire story would have the most effect on the teacher.

The bell rings, interrupting Blaine’s brief reverie. He gathers his things and rushes out the door, pretending not to hear Sebastian’s confused, “Blaine?”

He feels bad. He doesn’t like being mean to people, no matter what the reason, and the guilt roiling in his stomach is enough to make him resolve to apologize and stop his behavior immediately.

***

Blaine is still thinking about Sebastian when he goes to bed that night, and it manifests in his dreams.

Normally when Blaine has - _those_ dreams, they’re anonymous touches and feelings, voices that he can’t quite hear.

But when he wakes up too early in the morning, rutting into the sheets, he has the intense feeling that this time they’d been Sebastian’s hands on him.

He quickly falls asleep again and barely remembers it in the morning.

***

Blaine rushes to class the next day so that he can apologize to Sebastian, but he’s not there.

In fact, by the time Sebastian strolls in, class has already begun.

The boys watch in silent awe as Sebastian calmly takes his seat.

Mrs. Brighton’s face is nearly unreadable, and Sebastian looks back at her with a challenge in his eyes.

“Mr. Smythe, correct?” she asks.

“Yes, ma’am.”

“I do not tolerate tardiness in my class. I know you are new here, and I am aware of your _situation_ ,” she says with a pinched look, and pauses. “If you are late again, I will not hesitate to write you up.”

Sebastian nods. “I understand.”

Mrs. Brighton says nothing, starts class.

“Now, this is a controversial subject in today’s society. It’s no longer popular to follow the word of God, but we, as Catholics, must continue to follow our faith. You hear about homosexuality all the time - on the news, in your neighborhood, maybe even here at school. And I want to make very clear, as always - hate the sin, not the sinner. These people are just misguided, but they can be helped. We’re only going to spend one day on this particular topic, but there will be a sacrament and sanctity of marriage test at the end of next week,” she says as an introduction.

Blaine snatches a quick glance at Sebastian and finds him looking frustrated and defiant. His arms are crossed and his eyebrows furrowed, and he seems to be barely holding himself back from interrupting.

“Homosexual marriage is the greatest affront to marriage the world has ever seen,” Mrs. Brighton says, powerpoint with identical words behind her.

Sebastian scoffs, and Blaine freezes. He sees Mrs. Brighton’s lips purse. “Anything to say, Mr. Smythe?”

Smiling, Sebastian shakes his head. “Just a little bit of a dry throat, sorry.”

“Right,” she says, face hard, and continues.

She makes it a little bit into class. “Homosexuals make their own choice not to follow the path of God. Despite what they may tell you, God does not create people in this way. They bring this sin upon themselves, and they are damaging not only their own lives, but the lives of those around them.”

“Right. They definitely choose to be that way, knowing how many people hate them because of it,” Sebastian says lowly, so that only Blaine can hear.

Mrs. Brighton is continuing up at the front. “And the real reason homosexual marriage cannot be tolerated or allowed, especially by the Church, is the true purpose of marriage: children. Two men cannot have a child! God made man and woman as a perfect union, one that allows us to continue on for the generations.”

Finally, Sebastian calls out, his voice deceptively calm. Blaine can see his hands clenched tightly into fists, and he’s shaking ever so slightly.

“What about couples where one or both of them are sterile? What do they do then, if the purpose of marriage is to produce children? Would the Church tell them not to be married?”

Mrs. Brighton halts, stares at him. “I am not the Church, Mr. Smythe. I have seen arguments in both directions. However, I believe that nobody is ‘sterile,’ God gives everyone the ability to have children if they are so deserving of it.”

Sebastian smiles, though it’s sharp like the edge of a knife. “So basically you ignore the existence of science, then. And what, would you say, is the biggest problem the world is facing right now?” he says.

“Science makes the mistake of trying to explain the unexplainable. And it goes too far, into God’s domain. That’s the biggest problem today, Mr. Smythe. People are turning their backs on God.”

“So, Mrs. Brighton, you wouldn’t say that the millions of people living in modern-day slavery, or dying from hunger, or being killed by their governments, are bigger problems than people not having faith in a God that does nothing for people?” Sebastian fires back.

Blaine frowns, looking between them anxiously, but he says nothing. The room sits in shocked silence.

Mrs. Brighton’s face is turning red.

“And the biggest affront to marriage the world has ever seen? How about the time marriage treated women like property, where it was a legal contract between women’s fathers and the men they were paying to get rid of them? And is this the same God that drowned the entire world in rage, or is this a different one?” Sebastian continues when she doesn’t speak right away.

“Mr. Smythe, I recommend you shut your mouth _this instant_ -”

But Sebastian doesn’t. “Why isn’t God stopping the suffering in the world? Why is he letting it go on like this, huh? What do you think? Does he just _choose_ not to? Because that seems like kind of a dick move,” he says, and his hands are shaking hard now.

Mrs. Brighton strides toward the door and opens it. “Get _out_ of my classroom,” she hisses. “Go straight to the principal’s office, and I find out you don’t? May God help you, because you will be _expelled_.”

Sebastian gathers his things and walks out without another word, but not before reaching into his backpack, pulling out the worksheet due today, and handing it to her.

He slams the door behind him, and the class sits, nobody daring to breathe a word as Mrs. Brighton clutches the paper, watches it start to crinkle in her hand.

She breathes in a few deep breaths, closes her eyes, and walks to her desk, where she sits down. “Boys,” she says, and she sounds tired. “For your sake and mine, if you see Mr. Smythe around the school - do not engage him. He doesn't deserve to be here, and I doubt he’ll be here for long. He is a terrible influence, and I beg you to follow what you know is right. I don’t think I will be finishing today’s lesson, we will continue it next class,” she says.

Normally, that would be a cue for the class to start gossiping, but until the bell rings they remain seated and silent, only shooting each other shocked looks and exchanging nonverbal communication.

Blaine watches the empty seat next to him like Sebastian will miraculously reappear, and wonders where Sebastian got the courage to do that.

***

Blaine is still in awe when his next period teacher sends him to run an errand for her.

When he turns a corner to the hallway, he sees Sebastian waiting outside Principal Doohan’s office. He stops short, even some distance away. He has to pass Sebastian to do what his teacher wants. He just doesn’t know how to act around Sebastian.

Strengthening his resolve, Blaine starts walking down the hallway before Sebastian looks his way and thinks Blaine is being weird.

When he gets closer, he realizes Sebastian is singing. It’s quiet, but it’s also very good. Once he’s a few feet away, Sebastian looks at Blaine. Blaine tries not to flinch, but he feels like he’s starting an adrenaline rush. He’s jittery, but he keeps walking, avoiding eye contact, until Sebastian asks, “Did she tell everyone to stay away from me?” he has a twisted smile on his face.

Blaine stops, turns toward Sebastian. Without answering the question, Blaine says, “You should audition for the Warblers, you have a great voice.”

“Is that your little cult of singing boys?” Sebastian asks him, voice close to mocking.

Shrugging, Blaine says, “We need some good voices, and you need some friends.”

Sebastian opens his mouth to answer, looking annoyed, when the door opens.

It’s the principal, and he looks very displeased. When he sees Blaine and Sebastian together the look intensifies.

“Mr. Smythe, we will talk now. Blaine, get back to class, please.”

The door shuts without another word.

***

Warbler auditions are the next day. Auditions are a long, tedious process, as it seems like half the school wants to join. It’s not just finding good singers - though they do sit through some agonizing auditions, with even Wes struggling to keep a straight face - it’s finding people who will make a good addition to the team, someone with a voice that will blend into harmonies that sound like magic.

After three hours of auditions, everyone is exhausted and kind of hungry. They have some good potential candidates and definitely enough decent boys to hold callbacks.

Blaine has been filled with a nervous energy all day, caught between excited for Sebastian’s audition and worried for how the Warblers will react to the now-established “bad boy” of Dalton. It’s not a good position to be in, especially because the Warblers are some of the most wholesome boys in the school - and the most likely to believe the scandalous rumors racing around the school.

Blaine checks his watch as his stomach growls. It’s 5:45 and nobody has been in to audition for 20 minutes. Auditions close at 6:15 with dinner.

Sebastian still hasn’t shown up and Blaine is becoming disheartened. He wonders what Sebastian thinks of him, if he’s just pretending to like Blaine but mocks him behind his back.

Heat floods Blaine’s cheeks, and he shakes his head, trying to clear the thoughts of Sebastian from his head. He shouldn’t be this preoccupied with a boy he’s only just met, and especially not with one that Wes seems so concerned about, not one so - controversial.

Blaine shakes his head again, mentally chiding himself and looking up to find Wes examining him with pursed lips. Wes then gets up from behind the Council’s table and sits next to Blaine on the couch.

“Are you okay, Blaine?” Wes asks, and _god_ Blaine is a terrible liar.

“Um, yeah - I’m fine.”

“Blaine,” Wes says firmly, and seriously, it feels like Wes is his father sometimes.

Blaine sighs, hesitating. “I asked Sebastian to audition,” he admits.

Wes’ eyebrows fly up, then lower in clear disapproval. “We talked about this, Blaine,” he says, and it looks like he’s going to go off on another tangent, but before he can, Sebastian walks in.

The buzz of chatter between the boys stops completely, then starts again at a higher volume.

Sebastian grins, rubs the back of his neck, and says, “I was told I could audition for the Warblers here?”

Wes blinks at Blaine in a way that manages to be threatening, and then stands, turning towards Sebastian. “Yes,” he says. “Do you have a piece prepared?” He takes his seat back at the Council table between David and Thad.

“I do, as a matter of fact. Do you want me to just - go for it?” he asks. Sebastian doesn’t look anxious at all, and Blaine wonders if he’s ever auditioned before. He wonders if there’s more to Sebastian than meets the eye.

“You can start whenever you’re ready,” David waves at Sebastian, who nods.

He turns ever so slightly towards Blaine, and - winks? It’s so quick that Blaine can’t be sure, but his heart skips a beat all the same.

Sebastian immediately launches into Bruno Mars’ “Just the Way You Are” and it’s - to be frank - wonderful.

He’s one of the best they’ve had all day, and it’s clear that Wes is not thrilled with this fact.

When Sebastian finishes, Wes’ face is still a neutral mask. “Thank you,” he says. “The callback list will be posted outside this room on Tuesday.”

Sebastian grins again, nods at Blaine, and walks out.

The room is abuzz in seconds. Blaine catches snippets here and there.

“Is he really-?”

“That was amazing, too bad he’s…”

“Why is he so weird around Blaine?”

“Did you hear that he-”

Blaine ignores it, walks up to the council, and says, “You’re going to give him a callback, right?”

Wes sighs, but nods all the same. “We’re going to talk over dinner, Blaine.”

He stands then, raising his voice. “The Council has decided to grant Mr. Smythe a callback. Do the Warblers agree?”

There is a hum of approval across the room, not as enthusiastic as some of the other students today, but nobody is fighting the idea.

Wes hits his gavel and says, “With that, I call this year’s Warbler auditions to an end. Thad, please mark the time in the log.”

***

Blaine has just started dinner at his usual spot with the Warblers when someone taps him on the shoulder.

It’s Sebastian, and Blaine’s breath catches in his throat.

“D’you mind if I sit next to you?” Sebastian asks.

Wes interjects before Blaine can answer. “Jeff usually sits there,” he says.

Blaine turns to him in annoyance. Wes has never been this overbearing before. “Jeff is skipping for yearbook club today. Of course you can sit here,” Blaine turns back to Sebastian and gives him a small smile.

“Your audition today was really good,” Blaine says. “Have you ever been part of a singing group before? You didn’t seem nervous at all.”

Huffing out a laugh, Sebastian shakes his head. “I’ve mostly been into sports before this, but who could turn down an all-boys acapella choir?” he laughs again and Blaine joins in.

“Well, it is a lot of fun. A lot of work, too. When I first joined, Wes and David really put me through the wringer,” Blaine smiles and nods at the two of them.

“You were worth the effort, Blaine. Your solo performances got us to Regionals for the first time in a decade last year!” David says.

Blaine blushes and takes a bite of his mashed potatoes.

There’s a sparkle in Sebastian’s eyes when he says, “Ooh, so I’ve had the pleasure of meeting the frontman, huh?”

Blaine tries to make a noise in disagreement, but Sebastian is already continuing.

“Maybe you could give me some lessons sometime, huh? I’ve never had any professional training.”

Eyebrows shooting up, Blaine says in surprise, “You don’t need them, though! Your voice is great!”

“Aw, well, thanks,” Sebastian says. “But maybe you could help me adjust to singing in a group, acapella, so I don’t mess up the whole group, you know?”

With a small, quiet sigh, Blaine bites his bottom lip and nods. “That’s a pretty good idea. If you want them… I'll help you out. When do you want to have them?”

They set up dates and times, the first scheduled for the next day, so Blaine can help Sebastian before his callback.

***

“The most important part of any choir is blending, especially for acapella ones. You can have the greatest voice in the world, but if you stand out and don’t blend, you’re just hurting the whole group. Understand?” Blaine asks.

They’re in Blaine’s room for their first lesson. It’s not ideal, but nobody will bother them here, so it works. Sebastian’s callback is in a couple of days, but he still isn’t showing any sign of being nervous.

Sebastian nods. “Makes sense. Anything you can tell me about what I’ll be doing for my callback? General tips and tricks?” he grins, and he looks far too comfortable sprawled across Blaine’s bed, arm propping his face up.

“Well, first of all you have to have good posture, so your lungs can fully expand and all that fun stuff. So, sit up,” Blaine nudges Sebastian into a sitting position, trying to keep his touches light, barely-there. He doesn’t register the way Sebastian leans into them, lingering.

“Alright, hopefully my lungs will be all set to go, now,” Sebastian says.

Blaine laughs. “Well, you’ll be standing for the callback. They’re going to have you harmonize. We need people who either know how to do it already or have some natural talent for it that we can expand upon. We don’t really have time to teach people how to do it from the beginning. Do you know how to harmonize?” he asks, crossing his fingers in his head.

“I don’t know,” Sebastian’s eyebrows furrow. “Can you show me how?”

“Basically, you bring together two or more voices and one of them sings over or under the other. So there’s the melody, and the harmony, and the harmony adds depth and just sounds really good. You won’t be in front of all the Warblers this time, just the Senior and Junior councils. I’m on the Junior Council - it’s only me and a sophomore, we’re just supposed to be a connection between the council and the rest of the Warblers, the Senior Council will be making the decision of if you get it or not. Uh - okay. First, I’ll sing the harmony for you, okay? So sing the same song you auditioned with and I’ll come in after a few bars. We’ll see how it goes and then we’ll switch, alright?” Blaine says, all business.

Sebastian nods again. “I think I get it. Want me to just start?”

“Yeah, go ahead.”

Sebastian starts with the chorus, gets a couple lines in before Blaine comes in beside him, and _oh_ , he has a nice voice. They sound great together.

Blaine smiles widely as they finish, eyes going scrunchy. “It’s something special, isn’t it?” he says excitedly.

“Well, here’s hoping I don’t totally suck at harmonizing, huh?” Sebastian says, but Blaine knows he feels it too, because Blaine has never seen Sebastian less guarded.

“Somehow I think you’ll be okay,” Blaine responds, still smiling. “But let’s see!”

Blaine launches into the same song, sees the first signs of being unsure in Sebastian’s face as he bites his lip before starting.

His voice layers with Blaine’s for a moment before he slides down to form a harmony below Blaine. It’s almost tentative, but his voice is still strong, and they sound solid.

He’s not as good as Blaine, stumbling and searching for notes a few times, but he can hear his mistakes and Blaine is just smiling encouragingly.

They finish again and Blaine takes a deep breath. “That was a good first try, seriously. You could probably get into the Warblers like that, but since I’m your teacher now,” Blaine laughs. “Let’s try another song!”

He immediately begins another Top 40 song, and doesn’t let Sebastian leave for another half hour, making sure he’ll be ready for the audition.

Even after Sebastian leaves, Blaine can smell traces of his soap and cologne on his duvet, and he finds that he doesn’t really mind.

***

The callback goes well, of course, and Blaine thinks he was subtle enough with the thumbs up he gave Sebastian when he walked in.

Wes hasn’t tried to talk to him about Sebastian yet, but Blaine knows it’s coming. Sometimes Blaine wishes girls went to Dalton so the boys would have something else to focus on.

Sebastian makes it into the Warblers easily and takes a seat at their unofficial lunch table next to Blaine the very next day, smiling at Blaine as he sets his tray down.

He still gets voice lessons from Blaine - not usually in one of their rooms, but in the music room twice a week after Warbler rehearsal.

It’s a good place to study, too, since nobody ever comes in there. Sebastian and Blaine are in that room from 7-10 pretty much every Tuesday and Thursday.

Sebastian doesn’t even need voice lessons anymore, and Blaine tries to tell him this, but Sebastian insists, and who is Blaine to fight it?

Their study sessions are really helpful, anyway - with Sebastian’s fluency in French and Blaine’s knowledge of AP Chemistry, it’s good for both of them. And it’s good conversation.

Sebastian has… he is entirely different from the boys Blaine has always gone to school with. Sebastian has a completely different set of opinions and morals, and it always boggles Blaine’s mind.

He’s always challenging Blaine, questioning his beliefs and convictions until Blaine gives up and slumps in his seat, wondering how Sebastian knows that much about policy in Washington as he gives Blaine a triumphant smirk.

“Why do you let me argue with you?” Sebastian asks him once. Blaine looks up from his notes quizzically.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean… When I try to explain my stance on things to most guys here, we’ll argue, but he won’t listen because he’s so entrenched in his beliefs. You listen. Why?” Sebastian asks again.

Blaine smiles a little. “I’ve got an older brother, and he’s - different. He does the same thing, always trying to change my mind on things. Sometimes he succeeds, you know? It’s just like going to school - if you think you already know everything about the revolutionary war, are you going to listen in history?”

Blaine knows Sebastian thinks he’s an innocent - some ridiculous sheltered schoolboy - and maybe he is a little bit, but...

His train of thought is broken when he sees Sebastian struggling for words, lips twisting and eyebrows furrowing.

“Blaine - we’re friends, right? Despite whatever all those guys are saying about me?” he asks, more hesitant than Blaine has ever seen him.

Oh. So this is a _conversation_. Blaine feels his heart speed up in his chest. “Of course we are,” he says.

Sebastian takes a deep breath. “Okay, so - I know you’re Catholic and kind of the only friend I have here, so I wanted to be honest with you - I’m gay.”

Blaine takes a breath through his nose, nodding. It isn’t a huge surprise, not after Sebastian’s outburst in religion.

“Are you okay with it?” Sebastian asks.

“Honestly, I’ve been - very conflicted, lately. If you asked me two months ago that would have been easy - no. But everything you’ve said, just being around you… you make me question my beliefs, Sebastian. And I feel like I’m _bad_ for not just following my Church. But everything you’ve told me, what I’ve researched, I feel like they’re... wrong. How could the Church be wrong? It’s -”

“Probably because it’s run by a bunch of old white dudes,” Sebastian interjects.

“Sebastian,” Blaine chides, but he’s exhausted. “I’m not going to drag you into this, anyway. It’s my conflict and I’ll resolve it.”

“And you’ll still be my friend?” Sebastian asks.

Blaine’s head snaps up. “Of course I will!” he exclaims, then frowns at Sebastian’s laugh.

Blaine shakes his head, grabs Sebastian’s hand. “I could never hate you for something that’s a part of you Sebastian, whether I agree with it or not. I accept you. I love you,” he says earnestly.

It makes Sebastian’s heart flutter and his breath catch, even though he knows Blaine only means it in a ‘love your neighbor’ type way.

He laughs again. “Blaine Anderson,” he says. “You give me hope for the world.”

***

Wes finally talks to Blaine.

He knocks on Blaine's door an hour before curfew. Blaine is just doing some homework for his English class, and when he lets Wes in he's still wearing his day uniform, which is unusual - normally boys are changing out of the blazer as soon as the final bell rings.

Wes looks troubled, and Blaine steels himself for a difficult situation.

"Everything okay, Wes?" he asks.

"Blaine, you know I care about you, right?" Wes says.

Blaine sighs from his position on the bed. "Yes, Wes, of course. I care about you too."

"So if you thought I was in any danger you would try to get me out of it, right?" Wes asks, fidgeting.

"Of course..." Blaine says slowly, sitting up straight. "Are you sure you're okay?"

Wes purses his lips. "I'm worried about you, Blaine."

"This is about Sebastian," Blaine states. "I'm tired of arguing about this, Wes, you're one of my best friends. I'm 17, I can make my own decisions. I know Sebastian, I've decided to be his friend. I like being around him, you would too if you hadn't been so closed-minded before you even met him." Baine crosses his arms defiantly.

"Do you know everything about him? Do you _really_ know him well enough to decide that?" Wes asks.

"What's your point, Wes?"

"There is a student at Dalton who knew Sebastian before he started attending," Wes says.

"Who?"

"I don't want to say, but he has some... unsavory information about Sebastian."

"How can it be bad enough that you, school president, can give someone the cold shoulder as soon as you meet them?" Blaine asks.

"Blaine..." Wes says, looking uncomfortable. "Are you aware that Sebastian is a homosexual?"

Oh. So that's what this is about.

"Yes," says Blaine impatiently. "I don't judge him for it. He told me himself."

"It's not the fact itself that disturbs me, Blaine. It's what he's _done_. This student told me that when they went to school together last year, it was well known that he would go after innocent boys, get to know them, and... seduce them," Wes says, nose wrinkling.

Blaine is surprised to find his heart beating faster. "Dating isn't a terrible thing, Wes," he manages through the fact that his tongue feels heavy in his mouth.

"It wasn't _dating_ , Blaine. He would find random boys, sleep with them, and do the same thing over and over again. It's appalling. And that's why I don't want you to be friends with him, Blaine. Because I care about you, and I'm afraid for you. I don't want him to take advantage of you," and he really does look concerned.

Blaine stands up and lays a hand on Wes's shoulder. "Don't worry about me, Wes. You may think Sebastian is a sinner - and you may be right - but I don't judge him. What can I do but offer my love and acceptance to him? Hating him won't help him, and I was serious about enjoying spending time with him, I trust him, Wes, so please - stop wasting your time worrying about me and spend it welcoming him to Dalton, like you welcomed me - with open arms. He might surprise you."

Wes smiles a little. "You should sign up to give the student led Homily this year, Blaine, you are... so good."

Blaine laughs and hugs Wes. "So are you gonna let me take care of myself and stop giving the poor guy dark looks all the time? I think the gavel is starting to freak him out."

"I'll do my best," Wes sighs.

"That's all we can do. Goodnight Wes," Blaine says, showing him out.

Sebastian's door is open across the hall, and Blaine finds himself wondering how far voices travel from dorm rooms.

***

The next morning, Cooper calls. It’s Saturday, which means that pretty much nobody gets out of bed and emerges from their room before ten.

The fact that Cooper’s call wakes him up - who’s a full three hours behind in LA - says a lot.

“Why are you awake, Cooper?” Blaine grumbles as he answers the phone.

Cooper is sounding cheery as ever. “Well, I just got back from my sunrise run, and then I wanted to see how my little brother was doing!” he says.

“I don’t understand what’s wrong with you,” Blaine says.

“Didn’t you hear, Blaine? I was born this way!”

Resigning himself for a long talk, Blaine sits up, leaning against his headboard. He and Cooper don’t talk as often as Blaine would like, but when they do, they’re long conversations. It isn’t that he doesn’t love Cooper, it’s the sheer fact that his phone calls are long and exhausting. Nonetheless, he finds himself smiling as Cooper describes his week, featuring a crazy model Cooper went on a date with.

After that, he segues into Blaine’s life with a, “How’s school been so far?” Any Warbler drama?”

Blaine rubs a hand on the back of his neck and sighs.

“Ooh,” Cooper says. “That sounds like a yes. Nothing you’re involved in, I hope? Do I have to come beat some of these kids up?”

Laughing, Blaine says, “Coop, no. But I do seem to be involved, sort of. My luck for avoiding drama has run out.”

“Wanna share the details? Anything I should be concerned about?” Cooper asks.

“Um, no. But… can I ask you a few questions, maybe?” Blaine says hesitantly.

Blaine can hear Cooper swallow before saying, “Of course, Blaine. You always can. Who else would have given you the sex talk?”

Ignoring that, Blaine bites his lip and wonders how best to phrase the question, before deciding to simply be straightforward. “What do you think of - gay people?” he asks, voice low.

“I’m assuming you’re asking about homosexuality in general?” Cooper begins, and at Blaine’s noise of affirmation, he continues. “Well, as usual, I disagree with the Church. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with it, nothing unnatural or harmful. The way gay people love is no different than the way straight people love. I have gay, bisexual, all other types of people-on-the-spectrum friends. And I love them. Is that what you wanted to know?”

Blaine breathes. “Yes, that’s - fine.”

“Is this related to the Warbler drama? Are you sure everything is okay, Blaine?” Concern is laced in Cooper’s voice, and he always sees straight through Blaine, damn.

“Yes,” Blaine says, more affirmative this time. “Can I ask another question?”

Cooper probably nods. “Shoot.”

“Why did you turn into an atheist?” Blaine asks. He’s wanted to know since he’d first found out. His parents and Cooper had kept it from him until he was 14. Cooper was watching Blaine for the weekend for their parents. They got into an argument on Sunday morning - Blaine wanted Cooper to go to church with him and Cooper was flat out refusing, until he finally told Blaine he didn’t believe in God.

Blaine had been dumbfounded. He couldn’t understand - still can’t understand - why Cooper is an atheist.

Silence echoes on the other end of the call, and Blaine checks to make sure they haven’t been disconnected.

Finally, he heard Cooper exhale and say, “Well, that’s kind of a long story, and it’s not really happy, Blaine. I didn’t just wake up one day and not believe in God. I was a lot like you as a kid, a perfect little Catholic. Only I went to public school, so I saw people with different religions, different cultures. It’s my fault you’ve been in Catholic school your whole life.

“I told them when I was 17, your age. They were trying to get me to go to Catholic college and I was just not having it. One day it just came out, and then everything changed. I shouldn’t have told them,” he admits. “They don’t look at me the same, you know? Their perfect son is gone, and I’m just… there, a walking disappointment.”

He feels sick at the bitterness in his brother’s voice, and he almost wants to ask him to stop, he doesn’t want to hear anymore. But he does, he wants to know, and Blaine is slowly realizing Cooper has probably never told anyone this before.

“It meant a lot, you know, when I told you and you didn’t look like the world had stopped turning. You just hugged me, even though they put you in those schools and put all that stuff in your head. You’ve always had the biggest heart, Blaine, and sometimes it’s bigger than your brain. But I love that about you, and I know someone else is going to one day, too.

But you wanted to know how I ‘became’ an atheist - which is really just the story of how I lost my faith in God within two years. Well, in high school, I had this friend. Her name was Sarah, and in our junior year, when we were 16, she got pregnant. Her boyfriend had just moved away - two weeks before she found out, and she felt very alone. So she came to me, and she told me, and she asked for help. If she told her parents, she would be kicked out, so she decided to get an abortion. And she asked me to go with her, so she wouldn’t be alone.”

Blaine gasps and Cooper huffs out a laugh. “What did you do?” Blaine asks.

“Well, at first I tried to talk her out of it. But then she told me she’d go alone if she had to, so I did. Going there was… terrible. There were people outside yelling terrible things to both of us, but mostly to Sarah. Catholic people, people I recognized, telling her she was a murderer, going to hell. And it hurt me because Sarah is one of the kindest, most generous women I know. And these people were claiming that God would abandon her, that he would bring his wrath down on her. And you know what the _worst_ part is? Part of me believed them.

We walked out of there that day and Sarah asked me never to talk about it again. And I agreed, and I waited for the terrible repercussions from the abortion to happen, but none of them did. Sarah was happier, my normal best friend again, her grades went back up, and I realized this - her life was better with the abortion than it would have been without it. She would have been kicked out, even if she’d given it up for adoption, and if not - she might have had to drop out. And that was when I first started to question my beliefs.

The Internet was still pretty new, but I started doing research. Mostly on the Church, on moral issues. I educated myself on both sides, and the more I learned - the more I felt estranged from my Church, but I still had faith that God was good.

And then Anthony was beaten up. He was gay, and out to the community, and one day after football practice these jocks just -”

Cooper swallows loudly, struggles.

“And the thing was, when they were arrested, they started quoting the Bible, how wrong Anthony was for existing, and people were _agreeing_ with them, even if they condemned what they’d done. And that’s when it happened, I think. I felt… abandoned. And by the time I graduated, I was an atheist. And I have been ever since,” he finishes, voice low and solemn.

The air feels thick.

“Blaine?” Cooper says tentatively, and Blaine realizes he’s waiting for a response.

“It’s a lot to process,” he admits. “Do... do beliefs _have_ to conflict with religion?”

Cooper hesitates. “They did for me, but definitely not for everyone. There are all sorts of people rejected by their religion for who they are, but they believe anyway. I don’t know why. They just do.”

After another minute of thoughtful silence, Cooper speaks again. “Can I ask what brought this on?”

“It’s… the Warbler drama. There’s a new guy here, and he’s - gay. I don’t know how many people know. He told me. Wes knows, too, from some other kid. And Wes told me he used to be - promiscuous,” Blaine blushes, searching for the right word. “He’s my friend and I like him anyway, but a lot of the guys here don’t, and I don’t know how to make them give him a chance.” He’s frustrated and it leaks into his voice.

Cooper hears it, of course. “I don’t have a lot of advice for that, Blaine. Just keep being his friend. They’ll either come around or they won’t.”

Blaine sighs again. “Thanks, Cooper. And… you know that if your beliefs ever stop conflicting with religion, we’d welcome you back, right?”

Cooper just laughs, bitterness creeping in. “I love you, little bee,” he says earnestly, and Blaine can hear his smile through the phone.

“I love you too, Coop. I’ll talk to you soon.”

They hang up, and Blaine sinks into his pillows, wondering why life is so complicated.

***

Time passes, and people slowly warm up to Sebastian - well, most of the Warblers do, at least. He has a great voice, and he’s learning how the Warblers operate quickly. Between that and Blaine, and now Wes vouching for him, the boys no longer avoid Sebastian like the plague.

It makes Blaine happy to see Sebastian talking to other guys, especially those who play sports. Blaine doesn’t, and he knows Sebastian has been itching to get to know someone who does. He’s not sure if brief conversations at meals and practice count as friendships, but it’s a start.

Blaine is thinking about all of this distractedly while he should be studying. His U.S. History teacher always makes her test straight from the AP Exam at the end of the year, and they’re _hard_.

He’s interrupted then, anyway, so apparently he is just not meant to pass this test.

It’s Jeff. He thinks, guiltily, that he’s been neglecting Jeff a little lately for Sebastian, but he only has so much time to handle his friends’ issues.

Jeff is smiling excitedly, and he says right off the bat, “Nick and I made up!”

Blaine breaks into a smile immediately. “Jeff, that’s fantastic! I knew you guys had to eventually. So, you worked out whatever the problem was?”

Flushing, Jeff nods. “After the party on Saturday - which you should have come to, but you’re no fun - I was, y’know, kind of tipsy and we get back to the room and I just couldn’t stand it anymore. Do you know what it’s like not talking to your roommate, for _weeks_? Just figuring out when to turn the lights out was _terrible_. But anyway, we finally talked and - everything’s good now.”

There’s something more behind Jeff’s words, Blaine knows, just like there was the night  of their fight, but he doesn’t push it. He just smiles brightly as Jeff takes a seat next to him and gushes.

After a while, Jeff’s phone buzzes, and Blaine watches his eyebrows shoot up. Rising, he says, “Sorry - I’ve got to go. It was nice talking to you, Blaine,” before rushing out.

In his haste, he forgets his textbook, but Blaine doesn’t notice until he’s packing up to leave.

***

Blaine decides to give it back at dinner, since he and Jeff always sit close. But there’s a slight problem, because - Jeff isn’t there, and neither is Nick.

It’s kind of worrying, given the speed at which Jeff had left earlier. He wonders if something is wrong. Is Nick hurt? The more he considers it, the more worried he gets.

Sebastian notices. “Looking a little twitchy, Anderson,” he says jokingly.

Blaine just frowns. “I think I’m gonna finish early,” he says abruptly, standing up. “I’ll see you later, okay?”

He walks to Nick and Jeff’s room quickly, and taps on the door.

Nobody answers.

Blaine opens the door and freezes, because. Because.

They’re laying on the bed, and Jeff is on top of Nick, and they’re - kissing.

Or they were, because now they’re scrambling, on opposite sides of the bed and they look scared like Blaine has never seen, and he realizes that he hasn’t breathed and finds his hand at his mouth.

“Blaine, this isn’t -” Jeff tries, but Nick shakes his head.

“You’re... this is the thing. That you guys were fighting over. Isn’t it?” he asks, and he’s stunned, mostly, but he’s curious, too. But Jeff and Nick are still watching him warily, and he can see their chests heaving. Their faces are red and they’re rumpled, and he can see Nick’s fingers twitching, trying to smooth himself out.

Jeff nods. “I - I couldn’t tell you. Please don’t tell anyone, Blaine. Please, I can’t -” he says, and he looks like he might cry, and no, _no_ , he wouldn’t.

He shakes his head vehemently, “I won’t. I won’t. I promise. Um. You forgot your book,” he manages, setting it down on the dresser tenderly. “I, I should go,” he says, and flees, closing the door and walking away as fast as he can, feeling a little dizzy.

***

Things are weird. Things are weird because Blaine can’t stop _thinking about it_ and Nick and Jeff are avoiding him like he’s the devil, and he sees them looking at him and talking, and they look scared, and no, that’s not right. But he doesn’t know what to do.

And he hadn’t had any idea. And he can’t stop thinking about it. It wasn’t... repulsive. It had just looked like two people kissing. The wrath of God hadn’t made itself known, or anything.

But he can’t very well go and ask Nick or Jeff about this because they’re terrified, and something is telling him that they don’t know much more than he does.

It makes him sad, mostly. Jeff had been so happy earlier that day and, he realizes now, that must have been why.

Every time he thinks he’s worked up the courage to go and talk to them, he remembers the looks on their faces - like their stomachs had dropped out. And he just can’t feel comfortable to do it.

Blaine wonders if Sebastian knows. He also wonders why he doesn’t talk to Sebastian about this, he’d probably know best - but something is stopping him. He just wants everything to clear up and be simpler - before this year, everything was simpler.

***

There’s a three-day weekend, and Blaine goes home for it. He misses his parents, and his mother has expressed a desire for him to do something the next time he’s home, although she’s been frustratingly vague about what it might be, and Blaine is a little hesitant. She’s been getting the excited high-pitched voice, and that normally does not mean good things for him.

He never has to really bring anything with him when he goes home for weekends - he has plenty of clothes at his house, and he has all his toiletries there too. He just has a small bag with his laptop and a few things he needs. His father picks him up, clearly excited to see him and ask how the year has been going so far.

Blaine tells him of the difficulty of AP classes, what the Warblers have been doing, and carefully avoids any mention of Sebastian, or for that matter, Nick and Jeff. He doesn’t think of himself as a particularly good liar, and he doesn’t trust himself around his parents to keep their secret. And he doesn’t trust his parents to keep it, either.

As soon as Blaine enters the house, he smells something delicious coming from the kitchen - his mother is cooking for him, of course, she always makes the same thing when he comes home, his favorite. He enters the kitchen, smiling, and she rushes into his arms - so much smaller than him, even though he’s really not that tall, to his dismay. “Hi, mama,” he laughs, and she pulls him down for a kiss on the cheek.

“How is my beautiful boy?” she asks, and he smiles. “I’ve been great!”

It’s basic catch-up talk through dinner, and he knows whatever his mother wants from him will be coming soon, but she waits until they’re doing the dishes.

“So, Blaine. I know we’ve talked about this in the past,” she says, and he eyes her warily. This could only be a couple of things, none of which he particularly wants to talk about.

“You’ve said that it’s hard to meet girls at that school of yours. And your father and I want you to be able to have a normal high school experience, despite being at Dalton. So, we found someone for you to go on a date with!”

“Mama!” Blaine says, shocked and embarrassed. A blind date? Really? “Who is she?” he asks, wary.

His mother smiles widely, clearly thrilled that he’s not immediately fighting her. “She’s a lovely girl, Blaine. A couple weeks ago we had a joint service with the church in Lima, and there was this beautiful young woman, blonde, singing for us. It was just amazing. Her father’s a deacon, and we spoke to both her parents and they think you would be great for Quinn - she hasn’t dated the nicest boys in the past.”

“So her name’s Quinn?” he asks.

His mom nods. “Yes, Quinn Fabray. She goes to McKinley, the Lima public school. She’s a senior, a year older than you, I think. We’ve... actually scheduled for you two to have a date tomorrow night.”

“ _Mom_ ,” Blaine says. “I’ve never even met her, you’ve told me, like, nothing about her. I don’t need to date in high school, I’m fine, the Warblers keep me busy.”

Her brow furrows. “Too bad! We’ve already planned this, you can’t stand her up now. It’s rude, and we all know you’re a very nice boy, Blaine.”

Sighing, he surrenders. “Okay. But just one date! If I don’t want to date her, I won’t. And please, don’t find me any other girls to date. I’m really okay without a girlfriend.”

She smiles, places a hand on his cheek. “I know. I just want you to experience the world, Blaine.

***

Blaine doesn’t pick Quinn up. She does live sort of far away, so apparently the arrangement is to meet for dinner in the middle, both of them driving separately. This seems weird to Blaine, but it probably makes Quinn’s parents feel better. He isn’t sure he’d trust his daughter with a guy he’d never met, either.

It’s a nice place, and Blaine gets there ten minutes early. They stick him in a booth - it’s not a tremendously nice restaurant, his mother is making him pay and he doesn’t exactly have a job. But the food is good here, Blaine knows.

Quinn walks in a few minutes later. Or, he assumes she’s Quinn, because they’re seating her with him and she’s just as stunning as his mom said. She’s old-Hollywood beautiful, and he doesn’t really know what to do, so he stands up and helps her into her seat, before offering his hand to shake and introducing himself.

“I’m Blaine,” he says, taking his seat.

She smiles. “Nice to meet you,” she says. “I’m Quinn.”

“So, uh, have you done this before? Sorry, but my parents don’t usually set me up for dates with people they met at church. I guess - do we just get to know each other?” he asks, fumbling his words a little.

Laughing, she says, “No, my parents have never set me up before. But, Blaine, full disclosure: I - uh, I, this can’t amount to anything, unfortunately. I have a girlfriend. I accepted your parents’ proposal because my parents don’t know, and I want to make them happy. I’m really sorry.”

Blaine’s eyebrows are probably somewhere in his hairline. “No! No, that’s okay. But, since we’re here, do you want to have a... fake date? I don’t know about you, but I’m kind of hungry.”

Quinn visibly exhales in relief, and smiles. “That sounds great.”

They order drinks, then, and Blaine finds himself trying to keep himself from laughing, and ultimately failing. Quinn is eyeing him. “What?” she asks, huffing out a laugh.

“It’s just. Before this year, I didn’t know anyone gay. And then this school year starts, and everyone around me is turning out to be, well. It’s been interesting,” his laughter trails off.

She’s still smiling at him, but with a curious look. “Are you?” she asks.

“Am I...?”

“Gay,” she clarifies.

He freezes for a moment, before shaking his head. “No, no. No, I’m not.”

Quinn is still looking at him in an indecipherable way. “Okay. So. Have you ever had a girlfriend?”

Shaking his head, Blaine says, “No. Dalton is all-boys, so I don’t exactly have a lot of. Female friends. Um, what’s yours like?”

“Her name’s Santana. We’ve been best friends for a long time, and eventually it just kind of, happened. What school like for you?”

There’s a lot of basic small talk, getting to know each other. Blaine finds that he likes Quinn, likes talking to her. It’s nice, to be outside the bubble of Dalton and discuss things he knows won’t ever reach the people he’s talking about.

When they separate, Quinn gives him a hug by her car. “Here’s my number,” she says. “If you wanna meet up, just text me or call me. Might make my dad happy for me to go out with you again, anyway. See you soon?” she asks, and Blaine realizes he’s not the only one who likes escaping the bubble.

“Definitely,” he smiles. “I’ll text you tonight. Dalton isn’t too far from you, we’ll work something out.” And then, shyly, “Santana is a very lucky girl.”

Quinn laughs. “And she knows it.”

***

He texts Quinn when he gets home, and she responds with a _home safe_ , which is good, too.

His mother is anxiously awaiting him, sitting in the living room with a glass of wine. “How was it? Did you like her?”

“She’s great, mom. We had a good time,” he answers.

“Do you think you’re going to see her again?” she asks, and he’s nodding before she’s finished speaking. “Yeah. I don’t know if we’ll actually date, but she’d be a good friend anyway. I think I’m gonna go to bed, okay? I’ve got to work on a paper tomorrow so I’m gonna wake up kind of early.”

She stands. “Of course. Good night, sweetheart.”

When he’s laying in bed, he reflects. He wasn’t lying, Quinn is great. He really likes her.

He thinks he should probably have a crush on her. Is that how these things work? He doesn’t think he’s ever had a crush on anyone before, which he thinks is weird, but. He just hasn’t been around girls. He’ll meet the right girl eventually.

Or at least, that’s what he’s always told himself.

Laying there, in the dark, his mind starts to wonder. Has he ever really been attracted to a woman? A girl? Most of the boys are talking about sex quite a bit, because - despite being a Catholic school, it happens a surprising amount. Blaine’s group of friends, the Warblers, are a little different, but even they talk about it. And Blaine thinks about sex. It’s just - more abstract. He doesn’t have the same obsession with breasts that everyone around him seems to have.

He mostly thinks about hands on him, or a mouth kissing him.

He closes his eyes, feeling himself get hard at the very thoughts. Then, deciding to see what all the fuss is about, he opens the incognito browser on his phone and looks up some porn website that someone had recommended months ago.

He feels awkward, and he can feel himself blushing in the dark. He doesn’t even really know what to look for.

He goes to the most popular videos, and most of them are just a guy and a girl. He clicks on one that looks okay, and it starts playing. They’re kissing, which is - fine. They look like they’re eating each others faces. And then - wow, okay. He’s pushing her on his dick, and she... doesn’t seem to be having a great time. Blaine shifts uncomfortably. But the video is short, and it quickly segues into the girl bent over, with the guy behind her. The noises are okay, but it’s still making Blaine uncomfortable, so he closes out.

He’s hard, so there’s that much.

The next video is two girls, and Blaine only has that open for about thirty seconds, because. Yikes. Fingernails.

He doesn’t examine the next thumbnail too closely, just kind of wanting to get off at this point, and some of these videos are freaking him out.

It opens with hands on an ass, rocking the person on top onto the person on the bottom. Blaine can hear breathing and moans, and he lowers one hand to rest on his cock through his underwear.

The camera pans up the bodies until Blaine is realizing that he’s looking at two guys.

He doesn’t close the video, but he does freeze momentarily.

It takes long enough that the next shot is from the perspective of the one guy getting his dick sucked by the other. He’s looking up at the camera with wet eyelashes, and he’s moaning around the cock in his mouth, and - fuck, Blaine is coming before he even realizes it’s happening, hips grinding up against his hand and ruining his underwear.

Flopping down on the bed, he’s already feeling gross, and it takes approximately .2 seconds before he panics, closing the window and throwing his phone across the bed.

He quickly changes into something else, feeling ashamed. What was that?

Blaine tries to crawl under the blankets and go to sleep, but he can’t stop thinking about what he’d just seen . Even when he does fall asleep, it haunts his dreams. He wakes up hard in the middle of the night, and he remembers fuzzy, blurry images of the guys from the videos.

He turns over miserably, kicking the covers off and hissing at the cold air against him. But he doesn’t touch himself. He doesn’t sleep much for the rest of the weekend.

***

He’s still jumpy, like people are going to read his mind and _know_ what he did that weekend, when someone claps him on the shoulder Tuesday morning, on his way to class after his dad drops him off.

It’s Sebastian. Of course it’s Sebastian. “Hi!” Blaine says, and his voice is pitched. He sounds awful, and he winces.

Sebastian cocks an eyebrow. “You okay, Blaine? How was your weekend?”

“Um, it was good. Just... hung out with my parents. You know. The usual. What did you do?”

Normal. Be normal. Mind-reading does not really exist.

Shrugging, Sebastian says. “Slept at a friend’s house and came back yesterday afternoon. Didn’t really want to go home, you know?”

Blaine nods. “I saw your parents when you moved in. I, uh, might avoid them too. I think I hid in my room when I saw your dad in the hallway.” This makes Sebastian laugh, and Blaine flushes in relief.

“Yeah, they probably wouldn’t be super thrilled to find out that the guy’s parents weren’t home either,” he says, and he doesn’t wink, but it’s implied. Blaine has never heard a verbal wink before, but he thinks he just might’ve for the first time.

“Oh,” he says. “So you were-”

Rolling his eyes, Sebastian huffs out a laugh. “Having a good time. Not exactly going to do it at the school, you know?”

 _Probably a good idea_ , he doesn’t say. His mind instantly flashes to Jeff and Nick, like he doesn’t have enough to handle already. “Well, I’ve got to get to class! I’ll see you later, okay?” he says, and runs away from that situation, pushing down the cold fear seeping through his chest.

When he gets back to his room at the end of the day after Warblers rehearsal, he’s honestly surprised that nobody noticed, saw what he did written on his skin.

***

Blaine fakes sick before lunch, goes to the nurse and complains of a bad headache. She takes him back to his room with a couple Advil, and tells him to take a nap.

But he just lays there, thinking. And as he starts making a few realizations, the nerves in him freeze to dread and fear.

He’s never had a crush on a girl. Not even a celebrity crush. He’d always thought it was lack of opportunity, but - not even Quinn, who is unquestionably beautiful. Nothing.

He starts to sweat, feels it prickle all over his body, and his chest is too tight and he’s short of breath and he wants to shed his skin and just _get out_ , because he’s not - it can’t.

Launching himself out of bed, he scrambles for street clothes and his keys and ignores how much trouble he could get in for this. But he has to. He has no choice.

Blaine changes and rushes to his car, feeling his hands shake as he turns the key in the ignition.

Stops. Stares at his shaking hands and tries to collect himself, before letting his head fall into them as he focuses on breathing evenly.

He thinks of Sebastian, wonders how he felt when he started to realize -

No. No, he’s not going there. He pulls himself together and drives.

The church he’s going to is unfamiliar, far enough away that nobody will know him. He went there once for someone’s first communion, years ago.

It takes a while to get there, and Blaine tries to distract himself with the radio, but it’s futile. He’s so anxious he feels his heart is going to beat right out of his chest and flop onto the floor like a fish.

The ride there is too short. He’s not ready. His tongue is sticking to the roof of his mouth, like cotton in his throat, and he’s still _sweating_. Glancing around, he makes sure there’s nobody else there to see him.

The church is empty, but someone must hear the door, because a priest appears after a minute. “Hello! How can I help you? I’m Father Peters,” he says, ignoring the fact that Blaine should definitely be in school.

Blaine swallows sand, says, “I - I was wondering if I could go to confession. I think... I need some guidance.” His voice is muted, and he sounds like a different person.

The priest nods. “That’s why I’m here,” he says, gesturing around. “Follow me.”

Father Peters takes him back, and Blaine just sits there for a moment, staring at the aged wood of the wall.

“In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit,” he begins, making the sign of the cross. His lips are numb. “My last confession was one month ago.”

He slides out of awareness while the priest speaks, but he can tell when it’s his turn again. With a long, drawn-out sigh, he decides to cut to the chase. “I’ve been having -” he cuts himself off, bites his lip, and considers lying, before managing to power through. “I’ve been having some homosexual thoughts,” he admits, and he hears a sharp intake of breath and some rustling.

“For how long?” Father Peters asks, and his voice is edged.

Hesitation. “A few days. I didn’t - I didn’t know what to do. I can’t seem to get them out of my head, even if I pray,” Blaine admits miserably.

He thinks the next noise is a sharp inhale from the priest. “What could have brought these on? And… are they sexual in nature?” he asks, frank.

Blushing, Blaine finds himself stuttering. “Well - I met two new gay friends this year, and I walked in on two of my guy friends… kissing. And. Mostly, yes,” he finishes quietly.

A noise of disapproval. “Is there anything else?”

Blaine bites his tongue. “Can you,” his voice dies, and he clears his throat. “Can you tell me what to do? I’m just, so confused. I know what my Church says, but my heart -”

“Is fallible, and the Church is not. You seem like a good boy, Blaine, but I won’t sugarcoat this. This is a grave sin. I will tell you what you can do, but there is no guarantee you will be absolved. You have chosen a difficult path.” The priest’s voice is hard.

Blaine feels his throat close up. “Please - help me, Father,” he chokes out. His eyes are stinging.

“First - you must cut all ties with the homosexuals in your life. They are leading you astray. But, be very clear - tell them of their sins, why you are leaving their company. This may make them angry, but it is necessary. Do you understand why?”

He thinks of Sebastian, of Quinn. Somehow he doubts that would go over well, and the idea of confronting them about _this_ is terrifying enough that he realizes he is hyperventilating.

“Blaine?” Father Peters voice brings him out of his head, and he gasps out a “Yes.”

“And as for you,” Father Peters says. “Pray. You know this is wrong. Prevent yourself from living this depraved life. There is no joy in it. Remain celibate. People these days seem to think homosexuality is an acceptable lifestyle, but know that it is not. God created man and woman as a perfect union, and to reject that is to reject God Himself.”

Mrs. Brighton’s voice echoes in his head, her lecture with similar sentiments coming back around to him.

Each time he hears the words they seem to lose more meaning.

Blaine is assigned more penance, and prayers, and Father Peters escorts him back to his car. He has a firm grip on Blaine’s arm, and his face is hard. Blaine tries not to look at him, ashamed.

He drives away feeling more lost than ever.

***

Blaine manages to sneak back into school, and his room, without getting caught. Classes haven’t even ended yet.

He walks into his room and closes the door. He doesn’t even turn the lights on, just climbs into bed and falls asleep in his clothes. The voice of the priest haunts his dreams and he wakes up in a cold sweat to his phone ringing.

Fumbling for it, he shakes himself and answers without looking.

“Hey, Blaine, where are you? Thought we had a date?” the voice says teasingly, and _of course_ it’s Sebastian, and Blaine immediately feels like he’s going to vomit.

Breathless, he says, “Um - sorry, sorry. I’m sick, I can’t -” and he must sound as bad as he feels, because Sebastian’s voice turns concerned.

“Oh, shit, I thought you just forgot. Are you okay? Do you want me to get the nurse?”

Blaine shakes his head frantically, then says. “No! No, she knows.”

Sebastian hesitates. “You know, I have a pretty strong immune system. I could come visit, keep you company or take care of -”

“No, um, thank you. I just - I just need to sleep, okay?” his voice cracks.

And _God_ , Sebastian sounds so earnest when he says, “Okay, Blaine. Let me know if you need anything. Even if you think I’m asleep. Feel better soon.”

Blaine manages an, “Okay. Thanks,” before hanging up and tossing his phone across the bed. His head falls into his hands and he groans. Sebastian cares about him, but he has to - _he has to_.

Scrubbing at his eyes, he feels wetness, and stares in hysteric bewilderment at his shaking hands, and bring one back up, fingering numbly feeling for tears. His eyes sting, and his throat is burning.

He shakes his head and swallows, tries so hard to hold it back, but he can’t. “Oh god,” he sobs suddenly, and claps a hand to his mouth and tries to cry silently. The walls are thin, and the last thing he needs is questions.

His shoulders shake and his arms are wrapped around himself like he’s trying to hold himself together, curled tight, knees up, on his bed, clammy fingers still covering his mouth.

Eventually, he’s left gasping, tears and snot wet on his face, but he breathes deeply once, twice. Reaches for tissues and tries to clean himself up a little. He rubs at his heated face once more before kneeling beside his bed. The lump in his throat has not left.

He crosses himself before murmuring the Our Father.

“I need to ask forgiveness,” he says, voice cracking. His eyes are closed. “And apologize. I’m sorry that I am not living the way that I am supposed to. I know how I feel is wrong, but I don’t know - how to not. I don’t know how to stop feeling this way. I wish I did. And I’m going to do as Father Peters directed, I swear. I’m going to try my best to not - to stop this. I’m sorry that I put myself in a position for this to develop. I’ll try to be better - I will be better,” he corrects. He apologizes for things, and prays until his knees are sore and he’s exhausted.

He goes to bed and lays awake until he finally loses himself to dreams that he can’t remember, but leave him uneasy. His eyes are still swollen in the morning.

***

Blaine stays quiet. He leaves early and eats breakfast before most of the students are awake, then rushes to the bathroom to throw up. He hides in there until it’s time to go to class, stares at his reflection in the mirror as he adjusts his tie.

He has English with Jeff first, but Jeff still isn’t talking to him. He sits on the opposite side of the room while Blaine pretends not to notice Jeff staring at him.

Honestly, it’s good that Nick and Jeff are still avoiding him like the plague. It means they won’t notice him doing the same to them.

Avoiding his other friends isn’t too difficult either - Blaine is much better at hiding than lying. He takes lunch in the nurse’s office, and is allowed to “rest” on one of the cots in the back room.

Eventually, he has to go to religion. The good news is that they have a test, so Blaine doesn’t have to talk to Sebastian. The problem is that Blaine hasn’t studied for it.

And tests never really stop Sebastian from talking to him.

But Blaine does his best. He makes it through that day, and the next with a simple, “I’m just feeling sick.”

It’s harder to ignore the hurt look on Sebastian’s face when Blaine blows him off.

On Thursday, Sebastian texts about their study date/vocal lesson. Blaine cancels with one word: _Can’t_.

There’s a knock on the door a few minutes later, and Blaine is really hoping it’s the nurse checking on him or something.

Of course, it’s not. Sebastian stands in the doorway, looking confused and upset. His jaw is set, and Blaine can’t help but shrink away. “What’s going on, Blaine?” he asks.

“Nothing!” Blaine says too quickly. “I told you, I’ve just been sick,” he tries, but Sebastian isn’t buying it.

Sebastian nudges his way into the room and closes the door behind him, crossing his arms. “Bullshit. You don’t seem sick - you seem like you haven’t been _sleeping_ \- but not sick. Even if you were, that’s not a reason to totally ignore me. What’s going on, Blaine? You can tell me. I just want to help,” he says, voice tinged with concern.

“You can’t help,” Blaine says thickly, looking anywhere but Sebastian’s face.

Frustrated, Sebastian says, “I can try if you’d just _tell me_!”

“No, you can’t - you’re the problem!” Blaine spits out, running a hand through his hair. his heart is racing.

Sebastian’s eyebrows furrow. “How? What did I do?”

At this point, Blaine doesn’t see a way around it. He swallows, almost chokes on the lump in his throat. “You’re sinning,” he manages quietly, and it burns his tongue and freezes his teeth.

Sebastian takes a step back as if Blaine had physically slapped him. “What?” he asks, shocked.

“Don’t make me say it again,” Blaine begs, and his eyes are hot.

But Sebastian’s face hardens. “Do it.”

“...You’re _sinning_ ,” Blaine chokes out, breathing unevenly.

Sebastian laughs, but it’s pained and cold. “Who the hell _are you_?” he asks, and he looks whiplashed. “Why are you saying this? Why now? I thought,” he laughs again, and Blaine just wants to plug his ears and stop everything. “I thought we were friends.”

And Blaine should stop this here and now and just kick Sebastian out of his room, but then words are spilling out of his mouth unbidden.

“I went to confession,” he admits, but Sebastian just looks nonplussed. “To do what? ‘Please god, forgive me for associating with a _gay_ ,’” he mocks angrily, but Blaine brings his hands to his cheeks and shakes his head.

“You don’t understand,” he says.

Sebastian laughs, incredulous. “No, I don’t! I have no idea where this came from. But I don’t care. Don’t even talk to me, oka-”

Blaine cuts him off. “I went because of me! I went because I can’t stop _thinking things_ , and I shouldn’t,” he says hysterically, and the anger on Sebastian's face melts to confusion.

“What -” he tries, but Blaine isn’t stopping, can’t hold back the flow of words.

“Ever since I met you, I’ve been thinking these _things_ , about - you, but not just you, and no matter what I try to do, they won’t go away and it’s _wrong_ , and, and. What have you done to me?” Blaine sobs, trying to cover his face once he feels tears streaking down it. Sebastian finally, _finally_ looks like he understands, but more than that. Blaine knows what pity looks like, and he feels like he’s going to be sick.

Sebastian takes a step toward him, but Blaine recoils, desperately says, “Don’t touch me!”

Blaine can hardly look at him, but Sebastian raises his hands. “Okay,” he says carefully. “Blaine - _there is nothing wrong with us_. Not you, not me,” his voice is level, but there’s a hint of desperation. “Your Church is what’s wrong, Blaine. Not how we feel. I know it’s hard to believe, but it’s true, I swear. Do you remember what you said to me before, Blaine? What changed?”

Blaine is already shaking his head. “I can’t just ignore everything I’ve been taught, everything I’ve believed in for my entire life just because it’s convenient. I’m sorry, but he said - Sebastian, I can’t do this,” he says, wrapping his arms around himself, making himself smaller. “Please leave,” he says after a minute.

Sebastian deflates. “Blaine, please let me help you,” he says. “I know how you feel, I can help you if you just let me -”

“You idea of helping me isn’t what I want. Please leave, and _please_ don’t talk to me anymore. And please. Don’t tell anyone.”

Sebastian nods, and backs towards the door. “I would never, Blaine.” He opens the door and hesitates. “Think about what I said, okay?”

He doesn’t wait for an answer. The door shuts, and it feels like the end of something Blaine can’t articulate. Outside his window, it starts to snow.


	2. Chapter 2

**Sebastian**

Winter comes early, and it comes for Blaine, too. Sebastian watches him isolate himself, watches him start skipping breakfast and eating lunch in the library. He’s even quiet in Warbler rehearsal. Normally he’s full of suggestions, and always helping everyone out with harmonies and dance steps. But now he just mutely participates, only opens his mouth to sing.

People notice, of course, Blaine is one of the most well-liked boys at Dalton, but whenever people ask him if he’s okay, he blows them off. Says he’s distracted and really busy with schoolwork, or tired. Worst of all, he’s very convincing. That being said, some boys still seem concerned.

Wes is one of them, and he shows just how concerned he is when he takes a seat beside Sebastian in the library one night.

“Hi, Sebastian,” he says, like this is a regular occurrence.

He can’t help himself. “Wow, and here I thought you were just going to ignore me and make bitch faces at me until I died,” he snarks, but it’s half-hearted at best. He can still hear Blaine’s voice scolding him whenever his mean streak comes out, and it’s hard to keep a frown from forming on his face.

“I just want to talk about Blaine,” Wes says.

Sebastian nods, inviting him to continue.

“I know you two became quite good friends this semester. You’ve noticed how he’s been acting, right? Has he… confided in you about anything? Something _has_ to be wrong, this is more than just schoolwork. Do you know if there’s anything going on at home?” Wes asks, and Sebastian sees worry etched into his face.

But Sebastian just shakes his head. It’s not his secret to tell. “He hasn’t spoken to me at all,” he says truthfully. “Have you tried talking with him?”

Wes grimaces. “He just keeps blowing me off. I mean -” he makes a frustrated noise. “Blaine is like my little brother, I wish he would just let me help him.”

Sebastian watches him deflate and gives him a small, sad smile. “Maybe what he’s gotta do is help himself first.”

Pinching the bridge of his nose, Wes sighs tiredly. “Maybe.” He stands and gives Sebastian a surprisingly open look. Opening his mouth, it almost seems like he’s going to say something else before shaking his head. “Goodnight, Sebastian,” he says instead, and walks away.

***

  
Sebastian keeps a close eye on Blaine, but says nothing. Sometimes when he passes Blaine’s room at night he hears speaking, but it’s only Blaine talking. His voice is low, inaudible - but fervent and desperate in tone. Whenever Sebastian passes him in the hallway he looks like he’s had a terrible night’s sleep.

Sometimes, Sebastian wonders if he’s sleeping at all, and he wishes he knew what to do.

It’s Christmas break. He walks out of the room at the same time as Blaine, each holding a suitcase. They stop short, appraising each other.

Finally, Sebastian says, quietly, “Merry Christmas, Blaine.” Blaine gives him a tentative smile.

“Merry Christmas, Sebastian,” he says in a muted voice, before he walks back into his room.

Sebastian watches the door for a long time after it closes.

***

**Blaine**

For a long time, Blaine feels like he’s living inside a window, looking out and watching his life go on, seeing ghosts of his friends as if through frosted glass.

And he doesn’t think he can keep this up much longer. He can’t sleep, and whenever he does he dreams of Sebastian, of his hands and his voice and his mouth and his cock - and he wakes up, always, achingly hard and covered in sweat. And he _misses_ people and no matter how long he prays and apologizes to God, nothing is changing. He’s not changing.

And he can see the pain he’s causing others, like Wes and Sebastian, and he feels like he keeps trying to fit a key into the wrong hole, and it just won’t fit, it’s never going to fit.

And he prays a lot.

“I’m sorry. I’ve been trying so hard, but I still can’t live the way You want. Nothing I’m doing is working and I just feel…” he trails off. “And I’m bad to my friends. I’m not even doing what Father Peters said, but I’m still - I can see them, and I know I’m hurting them. How can this be right? I’m letting them all down. I’m letting myself down. I’m letting You down, after all you’ve done for me, all the blessings I’ve received. But all I can do is apologize and keep trying. Please, Father, please, send me some guidance. I’m so lost, I need help and I don’t know where to go,” he pleads, hands clenched together so tightly that his fingernails bite into his flesh until they break the skin.

He can’t even enjoy Christmas break. Family comes into town and they all tell him how thin he’s gotten, how much older he looks - “You much be really dedicated to your studies, Blaine!” they laugh, and he laughs with them, hollow and hard, like broken glass scraping on the floor.

But nobody sees what’s really changed. They don’t know he isn’t the perfect, sweet Blaine he was before.

Cooper can’t visit, and thank _God_ , because Blaine’s never been able to keep anything from his brother.

His parents ask about Quinn. “Have you seen her? That’s a good girl, Blaine, don’t let her get away.” He says no, he’s been busy with school, but he’ll call her before break ends and his parents smile at him, like he’s their golden child, and he tries not to squirm.

He does call her, and she answers with a voice surprised but pleased, and he can’t help but smile as she says, “Hey, stranger!”

“Hi, Quinn. Sorry I went AWOL, I’ve, uh, it’s been crazy. I was wondering if you wanted to meet up before break ends?” he stumbles a little, hoping Quinn isn’t too perceptive.

“I’d love to! And my parents will be thrilled, too,” she laughs, and it sounds like sunshine. “Where will you be taking me out to dinner this time?” she asks.

The rest of the conversation is just filler and making plans. Quinn seems oblivious to his internal conflict, fortunately enough. They agree to meet in two days, and Blaine is prickling with anxiety the whole time he has to wait.

They pick a middle place to meet again, but this time Quinn gets there first. She grins when she sees him, jumps up from the booth and hugs him. When they pull away he sees her eyes sweep over his body, sees a concerned line form on her forehead. She doesn’t say anything except, “It’s so good to see you,” but Blaine knows it’s coming.

There’s some token conversation before they order about school, and Blaine probably says the word “fine” too many times. After they order, however, Quinn begins. “What’s going on?” she asks. Her gaze is serious, and her voice is quiet and intense. But he still can’t answer. He swallows. “Y’know, school…” he tries, but Quinn just levels him with an unimpressed look.

“Drop the act, Blaine. You called me for a reason. What’s going on?

And Blaine knows he should try harder, should end this right now - but he’s _exhausted_ , physically and mentally, so he untethers and lets himself talk.

“I think I’m… like you,” he admits, voice nearly a whisper. As soon as he says it, he feels weight coming off his shoulders, despite the fact that he’s still hunched down, and he fights the tears that want to prickle in his eyes. He’s done crying.

Quinn nods. She really doesn’t look that surprised. “You like guys?” she asks, clarifying, and he lets himself nod.

“Is that why you stopped texting me? What’s been going on? You look _awful_ , Blaine, have you been taking care of yourself?

He huffs out a laugh and starts to tell the story of the last couple months. When he repeats what the priest said, Quinn gasps and her expression turns livid. But she doesn’t interrupt, so he doesn’t stop, and he looks down, studying the table, as he says what he said to Sebastian. He doesn’t want to see the betrayal in her face.

He manages to look up again as he talks about the way he distanced himself from everyone. Finally, he admits, “And I’m just… so tired. And I didn’t know who else to go to. So I called you. I don’t know what to do, Quinn.”

There's just silence for a minute, and Quinn looks like she's about to open her mouth when the food comes. She smiles bitterly, says thank you for both of them.

After taking a couple bites, she wipes at her mouth with a napkin and asks, “Do you feel wrong?”

Blaine’s mouth just hangs open. “I - what?”

“You kept using the word. ‘Wrong.’ First of all, that was a sick excuse for a priest and I’m sorry. Blaine, most of them are not like that. I know I’m not wrong, you’re not wrong, but what I’m asking you is: do you _feel_ wrong? When you think about Sebastian, do you feel feel wrong? Before your argument, how did he make you feel?” she asks, and Blaine is left sort of speechless. He reflects while she eats, tries to think.

“Happy,” he admits in a cracking voice. “When I was with him, I was happy.”

Quinn nods, but before she can speak again Blaine flinches. “Quinn - I think I have like. Feelings. For Sebastian.”

A less patient woman would have rolled her eyes, but Quinn just nods and says, “Of course you do. He sounds like a good guy, Blaine.”

“He probably hates me. You didn’t see the look on his face. I really - I really hurt him.”

Shaking her head, Quinn shuts that idea down.”You hurt yourself more. Blaine, I can assure you he understands on some level. You did hurt him, but you have to put yourself first right now.”

Her phone buzzes.

“Shit,” she says, looking at the message. “Blaine, I have to go. But we’re meeting again in a week. I’m going to drive to Dalton and take you out. Okay? In the meantime, I want you to do one thing for me. Just one. Forgive yourself for being who you are. Or at least _try_. That’s it.”

She leans over and kisses him on the cheek, leaving in a whirlwind. Blaine sits in silence until the smell of her perfume stops lingering in the air around him and they bring the check without him asking for it.

Quinn texts him later that night. “I mean it,” she says. “There is nothing worse than refusing to be who you are. See you Friday. And remember: you are loved.”

So Blaine tries. The night before he goes back to school, he kneels to pray.

“I’m sorry that I can’t be who you want me to be, but I can’t live hating myself. Please forgive me,” he finds the courage to say after several minutes of silence.

And that week, he tries. He speaks up in Warbler practice, and he sees relief wash of Wes’ face like the first warm day after a bitter winter.

He talks to Sebastian. Sort of. It’s just a few shy, “Good mornings” but the smile on Sebastian’s face is worth feeling awkward.

***

And Quinn comes to him on Friday, but instead of taking him to a restaurant, she takes him to a park. “I was going to have a picnic, but then I remembered it’s freezing. Except I already packed food, so. We’re eating in the car. I thought we might want some privacy,” she explains as she pulls out sandwiches, baby carrots, and chips.

Blaine smiles gratefully.

“So, did you do what I asked?”

He bites his lip. “I tried. I think… I’m starting to. I’m just - it’s hard, you know, but I’m just. So tired of hating myself all the time.”

She nods sadly, understandingly. “So, to continue what I said last week, besides forgiving yourself, you need to do a few other things. One is to apologize to Sebastian. You hurt him, and he probably just wants to help you, like he said.

The big thing is - you need to forget what that priest said. He’s wrong, and I really wish you’d spoken to any other priest because nobody has the right to talk to you like that, and almost anyone else would have tried to _help you_. Only God can judge, Blaine. Don’t forget that. The other thing is: ignore Church teaching. The Church is human, and therefore it is flawed. There is nothing wrong with you, and we deserve marriage and children as much as straight people do.”

Blaine stares at her, incredulous. “I can’t just - ignore part of Church teaching because it’s convenient, Quinn. It’s been there my whole life, always,. And what about my parents? They’ll be so upset, especially after Cooper. They were devastated, they still are. I don’t want my mom to look at me like - like I’m someone else.”

Quinn sighs deeply, nodding slowly. “I used to be really religious. Like you. My dad’s a deacon, we were a perfect like Catholic family, me and my older sisters and my stay-at-home mom. My dad can be… awful. He drinks, and he yells, and I am never ever good enough. And my mom sits there, like nothing is even happening.

So when I was 16, there was this guy. And he told me he liked me, that I was pretty. That I was _perfect_ , “ her voice breaks a little. “And I had sex with him. Just once. It was a mistake. He doesn’t date, after all. But - all it takes is once, you know,” she says, laying a hand on her stomach.

Blaine’s eyes are glued on her, shocked. “You got pregnant? What did you do?” he whispers.

She smiles sadly. “You think your parents would let you go on a date with a girl who had a baby? I never told him. But I told Santana, my best friend. And she offered to go with me, and… after that I wasn’t pregnant anymore.

It changes you, you know? I was feeling so much, and I could only tell her. And something changed between us. Eventually she told me she had feelings for me, and long story short, we’ve been dating in secret for two years. And you are the second person I have told about all that,” she lets out a shaky breath of a laugh.

“Thank you,” Blaine says seriously, looking her in the eyes and laying a hand over hers. He waits a beat, then asks, “You said, ‘Used to be religious.’ Are you not anymore?”

Quinn hesitates. “I’m not religious like I used to be. I used to pray everyday - for a lot of selfish reasons, but still. And when everything fell apart, I just kind of… stopped. Until this week. But I wasn’t praying for me, Blaine. I’ve been praying for you.”

Blinking rapidly, Blaine takes a breath before quietly asking, “Thank you, that’s very - but, what for?”

She smiles. “For you to find guidance and peace with yourself, to find happiness. God wants you to be happy, Blaine. He wouldn’t make you the way you are to hate yourself.”

Blaine nods. “I know that, but - it’s so hard to disobey a priest, or Church teaching, you know?”

“You just have to remember that they’re human. They’re flawed, they don’t know everything. Questioning your religion isn’t bad. Doubting your religion isn’t bad. It’s how we progress and advance. What if Martin Luther hadn’t posted the 95 Theses? Would we still have a Catholic Church that was corrupt to the core and taking advantage of believers? What if Masses were still given in Latin? What if nobody translated the Bible into English? What would the world be like today? Change is good, Blaine, and it’s about time for some more of it.”

Blaine swallows. “But isn’t God, the Holy Spirit, the one who does that? He keeps the Church on His path. Everything suggests that…” he doesn’t finish.

Pursing her lips, Quinn tries another tack. “What everything? The Bible?” she asks. Blaine just nods.

“Is there a particular verse?” she asks, and Blaine senses a trap, but he answers anyway.

“Leviticus.”

“Mm-hmm. Besides the fact that that doesn't actually have anything to do with homosexuality, can you think of anything else? Did Jesus say anything about it?”

Blaine pauses, thinks. “I’m sure there’s something,” he tries. She’s already shaking her head. “Nothing. There _are_ passages, however, that imply homosexuality, or laws that we ignore today, because they are obsolete. Just like ‘man shall not lie with man.’ Do you want to do Bible Study with me? To help you realize there’s nothing wrong with you?”

“Would you do that?” he asks.

She smiles. “Or course I would, Blaine. It’ll be good for me, too - I used to get a lot of comfort from the Bible. It would be nice to be able to feel that again.”

“Okay,” he says, and leaves it at that.

Quinn starts the drive back, and after a few minutes of staring out the window, Blaine finds the courage to ask. “Quinn, do you ever feel like… like God betrayed you?” His voice is soft, tentative.

She smiles, and it’s a little bitter. “Yeah. I felt like I was talking to him for so long, and trying so hard, and all he said back was, ‘Fuck you.’ I don’t really feel that way anymore. I wouldn’t say what happened was a blessing in disguise, but. Honestly, I’m not sure what it was now. How are you feeling?”

Blaine’s voice is shaky when he says, “Sometimes I feel like He betrayed me. Which, is awful, you know? I feel like I’m betraying Him when I catch myself thinking that. It’s just - I thought I was being really good, living a model life. And this just. Changed everything. And everything is so complicated,” he sighs.

They’ve arrived. Quinn takes his hand in both of hers. “You’ll figure it out. We will. Together. Okay? Everything is gonna work out.”

"Can I kiss you?" tumbles out of his mouth, then, and he wants to hit himself. He slams his lips together, winces at the crack of teeth. But he can't take it back.

Quinn breathes, waits a moment. "Can I ask why? And... You know I have a girlfriend."

Rushing to clarify, Blaine says, "No, no, I know. It wouldn't mean anything. I just - wanted to know, because I've never, with anyone. Just forget it, it was stupid," he blushes and makes to flee, but Quinn stops him.

“I didn’t say no, Blaine,” she says, and there’s a hint of amusement in her voice. “I guess there’s no one else you can ask?”

He shakes his head mutely.

Quinn lets out a long-suffering sigh. “Kiss me, Blaine. Just this once, alright?”

Blaine is very hesitant, carefully bringing him hand up to Quinn’s face and cupping her cheek before slowly moving in.

He kisses her, and it’s so, so weird and tastes gross and it’s - sticky? Everything about it is just… wrong. And when he pulls away he catches Quinn mirroring the vaguely unhappy, trying-to-be-polite expression he can feel on his own face.

Quinn giggles a little, and he can’t help but join in. “That was strange. You good now?” she asks.

He nods, but he’s distracted. he can feel her lipgloss on his mouth, cherry, and it’s tacky and. Wow. He really didn’t like that at all.

“Thank you, Quinn,” he says earnestly.

She smiles easily at him. “Text me, okay? Don’t forget what I said, either.”

“I’ll talk to you later,” he promises, and steps out of the car.

And of course, _of course_ , he runs right into Sebastian.

“Hey, Blaine,” he says, and Blaine tries to keep his breathing regular and not squeak when he says, “Hi! What are you doing out here?”

Sebastian raises an eyebrow sardonically. “Just getting something out of my car. Who was that?”

Blaine glances over his shoulder to find she’s driven away. “My friend Quinn, from McKinley.”

Pursing his lips, Sebastian asks, “How’d you meet him?”

“Um, I met her through my parents. She’s nice,” Blaine answers, subtly correcting him.

Sebastian blinks and his eyes flick down Blaine’s face, but he just says, “Come on, there’s an emergency Warbler’s rehearsal.”

The walk there is awkward to say the least. Blaine is still thinking about the kiss and Sebastian is acting odd. He looks distracted and keeps glancing over at Blaine with an uneasy expression.

Blaine finds himself wishing for the rapport he used to have with him. He misses the conversation, but mostly he misses making Sebastian smile.

He prepares himself for what is sure to be a long, boring meeting.

***

Getting down beside his bed that night to pray, Blaine takes a deep breath before starting.

“I’m sorry, Father, but I’m not going to try to fix myself anymore. It hurts too much. I’m sorry if I’m letting You down, but I’m tired of being sad and completely failing at being - what I think You want me to be. And I’m… starting to think that maybe I was wrong, before. I feel happier being honest to myself, and to others, than I do trying to obey what I think is Your will. So, I’m sorry if I’m disappointing You, but I have to live my life in the best way for me, not anyone else. Please forgive me.”

He stands abruptly, stares at the carpet, and brushes off his knees.

 

***

Blaine goes to breakfast the next day. Or at least, he tries to. He’s stopped by Mr. Warner on the way there, head of campus ministry. “Hey there, stranger!’ he says genially. Blaine stops and smiles. “Hi.”

“Haven’t seen too much of you lately. Someone decide to stop coming to morning prayer services?”

Great. Blaine’s grin turns sheepish and he shrugs a little. “They weren’t kidding about AP homework. I’ve been trying to get as much sleep as I can,” he lies. It’s becoming far too easy to do so.

Mr. Warner laughs, but says, “You’re a good kid, Blaine. But you know - priests don’t sleep very much.”

Blaine tries not to frown at the non-sequitur, until he realizes. “Oh,” he says, eyes wide. “You think I -?”

The teacher chuckles again. “I know of a few bets among the faculty about where you’ll end up, Mr. Anderson. You’re still so young, of course. No pressure! I know plenty of priests who had a fair number of girlfriends when they were younger,” he winks, and Blaine forces out a laugh through his surprise.

“Well, I won’t keep you any longer,” Mr. Warner finally walks away, leaving a dazed Blaine barely managing to remember to say, “Nice talking to you.”

A priest? He didn’t even consider it _before_ \- A priest? Blaine?

And Mr. Warner seemed so convinced. But he doesn’t know. Blaine is an Extraordinary Minister - he helps distribute communion, not that he’s been doing it lately - but he’s not really. He’s always wanted to get married, probably have a couple of kids. He doesn’t know if that’s even possible now, but becoming a priest. He almost starts laughing. If only they knew.

***

Jeff still studies in the same section of the library every afternoon, a fact which Blaine takes full advantage of. He sits down across from him and tries not to wince at Jeff’s flinch and brief look of fear.

“Hey,” he says, like this isn’t totally weird.

Jeff is careful. “Hi.”

“I miss you,” he starts out. He didn’t really plan out what he was going to say, but he’s starting to wish he had. “You’re my friend, Jeff. One of my best friends. And you’ve been avoiding me since -” he doesn’t finish.

Jeff’s face softens, but he crosses his arms, still guarded. He glances around, wary. “I thought that’s what you wanted.”

Blaine’s already shaking his head. “I would never want that, Jeff, I don’t _care_ , okay? Although I wish you had told me.”

“How am I supposed to believe that? You haven’t talked to me since then, you didn’t talk to anyone for like a _month_. I knew it would fuck everything up,” Jeff says, huffing out an almost-laugh.

Wait, Jeff thought - he thinks - “That wasn’t because of you. It didn’t have anything to do with you,” Blaine says quietly. “The timing was,” he sighs. “Not good. But that’s not why. Jeff. I just want you to be happy, and to be your friend.”

“Oh,” Jeff slumps back in his seat.

Blaine smiles a little. “Do you want me to talk to Nick, or do you-”

“I’ll do it,” he interjects. “I’m going to see him now. He’s been, y’know, really worried.”

Nodding, Blaine hesitates a moment before asking, “Can you tell me what actually happened now?”

Jeff sends his first real smile Blaine’s way. It’s a little nervous, but it’s an improvement. “If you’re sure you wanna hear it. But, maybe somewhere more, um, private.”

Blaine laughs, says, “I’m free tonight, if you wanna stop by?”

Swinging his backpack over his shoulders, Jeff says, “Yeah, okay. I’ll see you later.”

***

Jeff meets Blaine after dinner with a knock on the door.

Blaine ushers him in and says, “Get comfy.”

“Nick is so relieved,” Jeff says as he takes a seat at Blaine’s desk, while Blaine sits on the bed. “I guess I’ll just… get right into it. You know parts of it, or at least what I told you when it happened.”

Blaine holds up a hand. “Before you start, you guys are like - together?”

Jeff nods with a dopey smile. “He’s my boyfriend.”

“Okay, that’s. Cool. I just wanted to know.”

Jeff looks like he’s wondering how to begin. “Well. Nick and I have been friends forever, since elementary school. And last year, I started to - struggle. I was having these feelings and I felt like I couldn’t tell anyone. Even Nick, because everyone is, you know. Really Catholic. And I felt so alone.”

Blaine tries to mask the sudden intake of breath through his nose. Jeff isn’t looking at him, though, so Blaine just bites his tongue and doesn’t speak.

“When I went home this summer my parents noticed something was wrong. So they got me a psychiatrist - and I was diagnosed with depression. And I told her that I, um, loved Nick. And you know what? She said it was okay. And I believed her. So… I started feeling better, and I thought maybe because I hadn’t seen him for so long my feelings would just go away, and I’d be able to just be normal friends with him. But,” he laughs. “The second he saw me on the first day of school he gave me that _smile_ and a hug and I knew nothing had changed.

And I wasn’t going to do anything about it. But. A couple weeks into school, we were in the room, talking about stuff. And he kept looking at me so weird, and I thought - I lost my head and I just… kissed him,” he clears his throat. “And he kissed back. And for a second, just one split second I thought everything was perfect. But then he realized, I guess? And he kind of freaked out, told me he’s not gay, and I felt so awful that I just said, ‘Sorry,’ and ran out of there, and I came to you.

You know what happens next, we don’t talk for weeks and I just feel like I’m dying all the time. That I’ve made the biggest mistake of my life. I was looking at other schools to transfer to.

Nick told me his perspective after we made up. He saw something was wrong last year - I thought he didn’t notice, and he saw I was doing better this year. And he felt some kind weird tension, and when I kissed him he says he had a sort of crisis? He was trying to figure out what was going on with him, with his feelings, with us. Eventually that party happened, and I asked him if he hated me, if he wanted me to transfer so he wouldn’t have to be around me. And he said he didn’t hate me, but that he loves me. Isn’t that just -” he laughs again. “Like, he couldn’t tell me that earlier? And for a couple of days it was everything I’d ever dreamed of. But,” he nods at Blaine. “Things happened. Doors were unlocked. And I didn’t _really_ think you’d tell anyone, but it was just, so scary. Nick was petrified. We thought avoiding you was the best option.”

There’s a small lull where they sit quietly, Blaine reflecting.

“Sorry for the stress. I guess I’ll knock in the future,” he smiles sheepishly, unsure of what else to say.

Jeff snorts out a laugh. “I think that’d be good. But anyway, can you tell me what’s been up with you? You seemed really -” he frowns.

Blaine’s heart starts to race. He could tell Jeff the truth. He could. And he would have his support.

No going back.

“I’m like you,” he says, barely audible and entirely too vague. Jeff furrows his eyebrows. “Like me? Last year?”

Blaine swallows, but his throat is too dry. “Like you like - I like guys,” he says in almost a whisper.

Jeff seems genuinely shocked, but he recovers immediately, coming over to sit next to Blaine. “Oh. Oh, wow. I didn’t think - Jesus, why didn’t you tell me earlier?”

Blaine shrinks into himself. “I didn’t know.”

Laying a hand on Blaine’s shoulder, Jeff quickly corrects himself. “Right. Sorry, sorry. How -?”

“I really don’t want to talk about it too much, if that’s okay? I just thought you should know.”

Jeff nods, bites his lip. “Can I tell Nick?” he asks hesitantly.

There’s a few seconds before Blaine nods. “As long as, you know, you don’t tell anyone else.”

It’s almost funny. “Dude, we are in the same boat on that one,” Jeff grins, and Blaine can’t help but smile too, feeling an overwhelming sense of relief.

***

Apparently Blaine is never going to get a moment to himself, but he supposes he’s got a lot of making up to do.

Wes asks him to stay after Warbler’s rehearsal, because if there’s one thing Wes will never figure out, it’s subtlety.

At least he always gets straight to the point. “You seem to be doing better, Blaine. Is there anything you want to talk to me about? I know you weren’t just overwhelmed with school. You really had some of us worried. What’s been going on?”

Blaine tries not to make a face. “I’m fine, Wes. Now. I was just having a, you know, rough patch. You shouldn’t worry about me.”

“Of course I’m gonna worry about you. I care about you, Blaine. You don’t have to tell me what was going on, but you should know that you _can_ , okay?”

Blaine just nods, face soft. “Thanks, Wes.”

Wes hesitates, sighs. “I also think you should make up with Sebastian.”

“What? Weren’t you the one who warned me away from him in the first place?” Behind the teasing, there’s real surprise.

He is further surprised when Wes speaks again. “He’s good for you. He was just as worried as I was about you, too. It might not be my favorite thing, but… he’s not a bad guy.”

“Well, Wesley, I am _flattered_ ,” comes Sebastian’s lilting voice as he walks into the room, arms laden with books.

He shrugs his shoulders at their questioning looks. “Guy’s gotta study,” he says, taking a seat at the table.

Wes stands, gives Blaine a look that says, “We’re not done,” and leaves with a brief, “Good night.”

Blaine tries to keep his breathing even. His sweating hand clenches on the table.

Sebastian doesn’t look up from where he’s taking notes. “You can relax,” he says dryly. “I’m not gonna eat you.”

Blaine frowns. “I’m not afraid of you.”

“Okay.”

He sighs. “I need to apologize.”

Sebastian still doesn’t look up. “What for?”

Spluttering a little, Blaine says, “What - will you please just look at me, I’m trying to -”

“Are we really doing this right now?”

Blaine tries not to grind his teeth, he really does. “God, you are such an _ass_ sometimes. It’s not that I don’t deserve it - it’s that I really don’t need this to be more difficult than it is, so please, can you just listen for a minute?”

Sebastian closes his book and lounges back in his chair with lazy gracefulness, his expression unreadable. “I’m listening.”

“Okay,” Blaine breathes.

But Sebastian is already interrupting. “Actually, I have something to say first. I’ve given you space despite the fact that you were making yourself fucking miserable because I thought if I tried to help you you would see it as pushing and totally backfire. But Blaine,” he leans forward again, one hand on the table with a serious expression. “Please don’t closet yourself. I care about you, and I know, _I know_ you can’t have a happy life that way. I know you kissed that girl, and you need to tell her, Blaine, or just ignore her, or something. It doesn’t matter who you lie to as long as you aren’t lying to _yourself_ ,” he says with one hand firmly over his heart.

Blaine shakes his head a little, speaks through tingling lips. “No, you’ve got it - wrong, Quinn knows. She knows, Sebastian, she has a girlfriend. She’s been helping me. I asked her to kiss me so that I would know.”

“Know what?” Sebastian asks, and he’s pressing now, through surprise and relief, and Blaine is letting him.

It takes a few seconds. “That I’m gay,” he says in barely more than a whisper, but it’s enough. And it’s the first time he’s said it out loud, and he’s really trying not to cry. But he doesn’t feel sad this time, he just feels… some sort of relief.

Sebastian reaches his hand further to rest cautiously over Blaine’s. “I’m proud of you,” he says, a smile on his face.

“I still need to apologize. Sebastian, the things I said -”

Shaking his head, Sebastian won’t let him finish. “There’s nothing to apologize for, Blaine. It’s in the past. And… what you were saying wasn’t really about me, was it?” It’s not really a question.

“I’m still sorry,” Blaine tries.

Sebastian nods. “I know.”

He goes to pull his hand away, then, but Blaine flips his over and holds Sebastian’s close. “That’s not all I had to say.” His throat is dry.

“I want to ask you out. And - no, this isn’t because you’re the only other gay guy I know, because you’re not, before you ask. Being around you… it makes me happy. And I don’t know if you even want to, but I had to ask,” Blaine manages to say coherently despite his pounding heart.

Sebastian laughs. “Blaine, you can be so oblivious,” he says, and Blaine tries to let go of his hand like it’s scalded him, but Sebastian’s fingers are still linked tightly with his.

But then Sebastian is - leaning forward? And oh, okay, Sebastian is kissing him.

And theoretically, it shouldn’t be that different from the kiss with Quinn. Except it _is_ , because it’s Sebastian, and it’s sweet, and far too brief.

Which is probably a good thing, because Sebastian says, “I guess we should do this somewhere a little more private,” and Blaine remembers how _totally in public they are_.

***

So they go back to Blaine’s room. It’s almost unnerving, how easy it is. How comfortable Blaine feels lying next to Sebastian in his bed, touching at various points of their bodies: ankles, knees, hands. Lips.

The kissing is tame, for the most part. The fact that they keep having to break apart to stare at each other, smile and laugh probably helps that, though.

Sebastian has a lot of questions, Blaine knows, so he tries to answer them before they’re asked. He talks about Quinn a lot, enough that Sebastian eventually says, “All right. When do I get to meet this girl? I suppose I owe her a thank you.”

“Why do _you_ owe her a thank you? I’m pretty sure I’m the one that owes her everything,” Blaine laughs.

Sebastian smiles, shakes his head like the question is ridiculous. “Well, she got you to come back to me, didn’t she? Of course I wanna thank her for that.” Blaine’s face softens as Sebastian’ continues. “God, Blaine, you have… no idea how hard it was to watch you all this time. Some of it was selfish: I missed talking to you, stuff like that. But watching you torture yourself like that was - unbearable,” he admits, hand gently stroking Blaine’s hip.

Blaine swallows. “I’m sorry,” he says softly, but Sebastian shakes his head. “No, that wasn’t to make you feel bad, don’t apologize, shit. I’m - I have no idea what I’m doing,” he laughs self-deprecatingly. “I’ve never actually, uh, had a boyfriend before. I’ve never wanted one, but I just… what am I talking about, I’m just gonna stop talking now,” he closes his mouth, teeth clicking at the contact.

And if Blaine isn’t mistaken, he’s _blushing_. “Wow, it’s a day for the history books. Sebastian Smythe at a loss for words,” he teases, before adding, “And don’t worry about that too much. This may come as a shock, but I’ve never had a boyfriend before, either.”

Sebastian barks out a surprised laugh. “Poster boy Blaine Anderson: secret sassmaster. Who’d have known.”

Blaine smiles. “Out of curiosity. I thought - haven’t you, um, been with guys before? Wes said - yeah.”

Breathing out a sigh, Sebastian hesitates for a moment. “I’ve had sex with guys. I’ve had friends. And one guy I thought - maybe. But never a boyfriend. Until now. If that’s okay with you,” he says, frank and a little bit shy.

“I would love to be your boyfriend, as long as you’re okay with keeping it a secret. For now,” Blaine says.

Sebastian nods. “Of course I am. And you, uh, you don’t mind about the other guys? We don’t have to do anything you don’t want to, I’m not gonna rush you or pressure you. Have you done any… research about it? They don’t exactly have sex ed here, let alone gay sex ed,” Sebastian huffs out a laugh.

“No, I don’t care what you did before. It’s none of my business,” Blaine says. “I mean, I’ve looked into it briefly a couple times,” and he can feel himself blushing, this is awful. “So I know the, ah, basics, but.”

Sebastian saves him from his squirming not a moment too soon. “That’s okay. I can help you. There’s a lot of internet resources, a lot of literature. And, well, if you ever want a hands-on demonstration…” he waggles his eyebrows and grins, over the top and breaking into giggles as soon as Blaine snorts.

It’s the perfect tension-breaker, so Blaine just shakes his head and kisses Sebastian again. “You’re ridiculous,” he says, muffled against his mouth.

***

Time passes quickly.

Everything is kind of exciting. There's an undercurrent of fear, of course, but for the most part Blaine just feels - happy.

He and Sebastian are nearly inseparable, but fortunately that doesn't even seem weird or anything. Blaine does get several grins and congratulations for making up with Sebastian, but nobody seems to think anything is different.

Well, Jeff knows something is different. Blaine can tell by the smile he gives him. But he doesn't say anything.

And Blaine has learned from Nick and Jeff. He and Sebastian are careful. They only touch when they’re in one of their rooms with the door locked. Well - that’s not strictly true. They touch, bumping shoulders and fixing uniforms and the edges of their hands brush, resting on the table when they sit next to each other.

But it’s different behind closed doors. Doing homework quickly becomes the best part of Blaine’s day. Sebastian lays next to him, sprawled out on his bed with his notebooks in front of him. And, of course, it’s not all homework.  They kiss, and then - they do more.

Blaine is in a constant state of blushing, what with Sebastian’s penchant for dirty talk or just how good everything feels. And he wants to.

He likes Sebastian, a lot. He thinks he could love him. And the feeling of Sebastian grinding against him, well. It’s something special. Sebastian makes it feel special, too.

And Sebastian gives him time, talks to him, makes sure he doesn’t feel pressured or guilty or regret it after. It’s sweet, the concern, but Blaine has done his research now - sometimes with Sebastian’s help, and he’s sure of himself. Mostly.

Which brings them to now, and really Blaine should be working on this English assignment, but - Sebastian keeps kissing his neck, and before he knows it Blaine is rolling, shoving their books to the side and pulling Sebastian over top of him.

And, as usual, everything happens so quickly.

“Sebastian,” Blaine says breathlessly. Sebastian grinds down on Blaine, cock hard and digging into Blaine’s thigh.

And Blaine’s head is spinning, but in the best way, because everything is Sebastian and he can smell his cologne and he’s so much broader, and taller, and bigger than Blaine.

“Tell me this is okay,” Sebastian says in a broken voice, hand hovering at Blaine’s belt.

Blaine’s cock twitches, and he chokes out, “Please,” and Sebastian is undoing his belt and the zipper with a practiced ease, but not less eagerly. He pulls out Blaine’s cock and groans, kissing Blaine hard. “You’re so fucking beautiful like this,” he says, stroking Blaine slowly.

“I wanna suck you,” he says, and Blaine struggles to rein in his gasp.

Sebastian is kissing his chest and looking up at him through dark, hooded eyes. “Um - If you, if you want to?” Blaine hedges, because there’s no way -

“Do you want me to? I love it, but I’ll only do it if you’re comfortable. I just wanna get you off,” Sebastian says, biting his lip, and he needs to - okay.

“Okay.”

Sebastian slides down his body like it’s nothing, smiles up at Blaine for a moment before licking a stripe up Blaine’s cock and kissing the tip.

Blaine gasps, hands clenching into fists in the sheets, and he tries not to buck his hips, really, but at least Sebastian knows well enough to have an arm bracing Blaine across his waist. It’s a lot, and it’s so different from his hand, or even Sebastian’s.

Sebastian isn’t playing around anymore, wrapping his mouth around Blaine’s cock, sinking down and sucking, and Blaine throws an arm over his eyes and promptly removes it, because he needs to watch. It’s so much, and. “God,” he whines. He feels himself trembling under Sebastian as he tongues his frenulum. “Sebastian,” he says, and he blushes, because he’s already close, and it’s embarrassing.

But part of him thinks Sebastian doesn’t mind, because all he does is moan and swallow around Blaine’s cock.

“Sebastian - please, I’m gonna come,” Blaine says, pulling at Sebastian’s hair.

Except Sebastian doesn’t pull away, and then Blaine is biting his knuckle hard to muffle his cry as he comes hard, hips rolling and Sebastian licking him clean after, how.

Blaine’s chest is heaving, and he grapples with Sebastian’s shoulder, trying to pull him up, closer. He needs to kiss him, needs to -

He wraps his arms around Sebastian, holding him close for a second, and he just feels so much, trembling like a leaf as Sebastian kisses him breathlessly on the mouth, and Blaine can taste, and. “Let me, I wanna get you off, please, how do you want -”

“Like this,” Sebastian says with his face in Blaine’s neck as he grinds his cock against Blaine’s abdomen. “I’m close already,” he pants. “I love sucking your cock, Blaine, I wish you could see yourself, so pretty, you’re always so pretty.”

Blaine swallows. “I wanna do that for you sometime,” he says, and Sebastian is groaning and coming - all over Blaine’s stomach and chest, which is a little bit gross and a little bit funny, but mostly hot. Blaine rubs a hand down Sebastian’s back, whispers little things he won’t remember saying later, as Sebastian comes down, body turning to rubber in Blaine’s arms.

“You are so fucking amazing,” Sebastian laughs, rolling off of Blaine onto his side. He reaches for the box of tissues and wipes Blaine off. He throws them off to the side, and Blaine suppresses making a face. “You’re picking those up before you leave,” he says, but Sebastian just rolls his eyes.

This is Blaine’s favorite part, he thinks. There’s an intimacy, and he just feels - so _close_ to Sebastian.

Sebastian wraps a long arm around Blaine’s torso, pulls him close and lets Blaine nuzzle into his neck. He’s laughing a little, but Blaine doesn’t ask why. It’s a nice sound, and the vibrations are pleasant against Blaine’s skin.

Blaine is just starting to drift off when Sebastian says in a low voice, “I...care about you so much, Blaine. I’ve never felt like this about anyone before. I hope you know that.”

Blaine smiles against Sebastian’s chest. “Of course I do, you big dummy. I care about you too. Now, shh and let me sleep.” Sebastian laughs again, but says nothing, and Blaine lets himself close his eyes. Sebastian's steady breaths lull him to sleep.

***

Quinn invites Blaine and Sebastian out to dinner. Sort of. Blaine and Quinn have been meeting up at the Lima Bean for a couple of hours once a week to catch up and have Bible study. It’s been good so far, and they’ve had a lot of healthy debate - it’s not all, “Well, we eat shellfish now, so.” There are a lot of arguments about different interpretations about certain Biblical relationships.

But Blaine always drives away feeling more content with himself. “I want you to meet Santana,” Quinn says one day in late February.

Blaine is surprised. “I’d love to. Does she wanna meet me?” he asks.

Quinn laughs. “Of course she does. She’s been bugging me for _ages_. I just wanted to do it at the right time. I’ve been trying to plan, and I was thinking - we could do a double date? You would bring Sebastian and we could talk and I’ll finally get to meet this guy.”

It’s a good idea, and Blaine nods along, lets Quinn pick a date and time.

Sebastian agrees easily, and before they realize it, they’re already running late for the date.

From what Quinn had told him over text, Santana basically says, “About damn time,” and warns them not to wear their uniforms or she will, “Rip off their ties and strangle them to death with them.”

This doesn’t exactly instill courage in Blaine’s heart, who is, quite honestly, afraid Santana will think he isn’t good enough for Quinn. But Sebastian just laughs and screenshots the message.

They rush in, a little rumped and windswept, but only two minutes late. Blaine sees Quinn with Santana (who he’s seen in pictures before) already seated at a booth. Santana seems a lot less threatening when she’s smiling and talking with Quinn.

Of course, that changes as soon as he and Sebastian sit down across from them.

“Hello, fellow gays!” she says with a too-wide smile.

Blaine barely holds in a flinch, and manages to keep his smile on his face. He sees Quinn roll her eyes. They’re in for a long night.

***

They get back that evening after a pretty quiet drive home to Dalton. Sebastian keeps glancing over at Blaine from the driver’s side with a curious expression, but Blaine spends most of the ride looking at the stars popping out in the night sky.

Once they're back in Blaine’s room, Sebastian asks what he’s been wondering. “What did you think?”

It’s too broad, and Blaine isn’t quite sure what to say. “I had a good time,” he starts. “Quinn is lovely as usual, and Santana is...interesting.”

Sebastian grins. “I like her.”

“Yeah, I could tell,” Blaine laughs. “It was cool seeing how Quinn acted around her, too. I like her, she’s just - wow, she’s a lot.” He gets out his pajamas and starts unbuttoning his shirt. “I’ve never actually seen a gay couple before. Well, except for Nick and Jeff,” he says casually, before freezing halfway through a button and staring at Sebastian with wide eyes. “You can’t tell anyone that,” Blaine says immediately.

Sebastian looks taken aback. “Jeez, Blaine, of course I won’t. How do you even know?”

“I’m not supposed to,” Blaine blushes a little. “I walked in on them months ago.”

Sebastian laughs a little, looking thrilled. “Months ago? How did you keep it from me this long? I don’t mind, it’s not really my business, but - I totally called it. Nick is always making moon eyes at Jeff. Everyone here is oblivious, it’s actually kind of beautiful.”

Blaine smiles. “Jeff and I don’t actually talk about it, really. We’re friends, obviously, but I guess we’re both just more comfortable… talking about other stuff. And, I don’t know, I never feel comfortable sharing other people’s secrets. They asked me not to tell anyone. So I didn’t.”

“Out of curiosity… what was it that you walked in on, exactly?” Sebastian asks with a crooked grin.

Blaine is already tsk-ing. “None of your business!”

Pouting, Sebastian tries again. “Aw, c’mon, please, Blaine? I’m not gonna tell anyone, and you’ve kept this to yourself so long. Aren’t you dying to tell someone?” he asks.

“Nope!” Blaine says, going back to changing into his pajamas.

Sebastian gives up with an “ugh,” flopping onto the bed.

After a while, Sebastian turns to where Blaine is sitting at his desk. “Can I ask you another question?”

“Go ahead.”

Sebastian shakes his head. “No, this is serious. Can you look at me?”

Blaine does, looking concerned. “Is everything okay?”

“Yeah, I’m just... wondering. How can you still be religious? Now that you know who you are.” His voice is genuinely curious.

Frowning, Blaine bites at his bottom lip before asking, “How do you mean?”

Sebastian sighs. “You know. They think we shouldn’t be able to get married. That we’re sinning. That we’re going to hell,” he laughs dryly, looking over at Blaine with a hard expression meant for someone else.

Blaine’s face falls. “Don’t - don’t say that. Weren’t you listening during dinner? This is what Quinn has been helping me with, how can you -” he pauses. “Having faith has helped me through so much of my life. It’s not supposed to always be easy. But it’s supposed to make you better. Don’t you understand that?” His voice is earnest, but hurt seeps through.

Sebastian shakes his head. “No, Blaine. I don’t understand.” He hesitates. “I’m an atheist, Blaine. I can’t be like you. Because I don’t know how any God who supposedly loves people could let them suffer. How anyone could let someone as _amazing_ as you hate yourself for something you can’t even help. And yes, I was listening. But I don’t understand how you can keep your faith in something as unwelcoming and toxic as the Catholic Church.”

“I don’t care if you don’t believe in God. My brother doesn’t either, and I love him the same, just like you. But I love the Church. I know it’s not perfect. I know. But that doesn’t change my beliefs. I’m still the same person I was before I realized who I - am, and I don’t want to abandon something - I _can’t_ abandon something that has supported me my whole life, that I still hold in my heart. And if you don’t understand that’s okay, but you need to respect it. Do you understand that, at least?” Blaine says passionately, trying to keep his voice level through the emotions he feels bubbling up.

Sebastian just looks at him for a moment, eyebrows furrowed. “I understand that. I wish I understood more,” he says without elaborating.

He stands up from where he’s been seated on the edge of Blaine’s bed. “I’m pretty tired. I’m gonna go to bed.” He goes to the door, but Blaine stops him.

“Sebastian,” he says, hands nervously clenched into fists at his sides. Blaine swallows and walks up to him. “Kiss me.” His voice is laced with desperation.

There’s a ghost of a smile on Sebastian's face as he rests his hand on Blaine’s neck and rubs his thumb over his cheek before kissing him softly, sweetly.

Sebastian pulls away after a minute and Blaine almost can’t make himself open his eyes. “We’re still okay, right?” he whispers.

“Of course we are. We’ll talk more about it later, I just - can’t right now. And I really am tired. good night, Blaine,” he says, and walks out.

Blaine exhales and fall into bed, utterly drained.

***

Blaine calls Cooper the next morning.

He sounds surprised when he answers. “Hey, Blainey! Wasn’t expecting to hear from you. What’s up?”

“Hey, Coop. I just wanted to talk to you. It’s been a while. How have things been? Are you still doing sunrise runs, or is it too cold for them even in LA?” Blaine asks, hedging.

Cooper laughs. “Please, I have a gym membership. Things have been okay! Pretty uneventful, I guess. I’m still auditioning on the regular, obviously, and my agent thinks I’ve really got some potential this season. Meeting a lot of cool people, in any case. Anyway, this is the only time you’re ever gonna hear this, but - enough about me. If I’m right about the time difference, which I am, you have called me before 10 am on a Saturday, so something is clearly going on. Does this have anything to do with the Warbler drama from the fall?”

Blaine sighs quietly, sighs. “It’s complicated. A lot’s been happening, you know? But yes, it’s… related. You remember the guy I was telling you about? Sebastian? Well, we’re -” the words die in his mouth, throat drying up. He shakes his head. This is about himself, first and foremost. “Coop, I’m gay,” he manages, clutching his phone so tightly it hurts. His pulse is thundering in his ears as he waits - and it’s really only a couple seconds, but it feels like a century before Cooper speaks.

“Okay,” he says, voice calm. “Thank you for telling me, Blaine. I’m really… I’m really proud of you, you know that?” he says thickly. “That why you haven’t been talking to me? Has everything been okay?”

Blaine inhales shakily, but already it’s so much easier to breathe. “Yeah, I’m - sorry. I was having a hard time for a while, but things have been getting better. I’m sorry I didn’t talk to you sooner.”

“Don’t apologize,” Cooper says quickly. “It’s okay, Blaine. Do you wanna talk about it? I’ll listen as long as you want me to, I don’t have anywhere to be.”

Blaine thinks that’s probably a lie, but he feels an overwhelming surge of affection for his brother nonetheless. “Well, I guess another important thing is that, uh. Sebastian is my boyfriend,” he says shyly.

He can practically hear Cooper’s eyebrows shoot up. “Whoa! I’ve missed a ton, geez. Tell me more about him, all I know is that he’s a Warbler and gay. I want the _deets_. The 411,” he says, and Blaine doesn’t know if he’s trying to be funny or not.

“Never say that again, oh my gosh,” Blaine says, horrified. “I don’t know. We weren’t talking for a while, after I -” his voice catches.

Cooper clicks his tongue. “Maybe start from the beginning?”

Blaine sits there for a few moments, wondering what to say, exactly. “I didn’t - realize, at first. It kind of… Mom and Dad set me up with this girl Quinn, but on the date she told me she had a girlfriend. And I realized that I’ve never had a crush on a girl. Not even when I was little. And then I started to to, um, panic a little. So I drove out and I talked to a priest, looking for, I don’t know, guidance. But. He wasn’t, uh. I suppose he thought he was helping me, but the things he said, I can’t... “ Blaine trails off, clears his throat.

“I can imagine,” Cooper says, and his voice is low and angry, but he lets Blaine continue.

Blaine hesitates. “And after that I had a really hard time, and I thought that I could, I don’t know, fix it - fix me,” he laughs humorlessly. “But obviously that only made things worse. Not just for me, as it turns out, but other people, too. Even though I didn’t realize it at the time. Until I called Quinn again. And she agreed to meet with me, for whatever reason, and I told her. And she’s been helping me ever since then. I feel… better, about myself, if not completely at peace with things. I know I’m doing the right thing, even though it still feels wrong sometimes admitting that the Church isn’t perfect. I know that the priest was wrong, at least.”

“I’m glad, Blaine. I want you to be happy. Now, tell me about the boyfriend. Which, yes, I noticed that you skipped over,” Cooper says with a teasing lilt, and Blaine blushes.

Fidgeting, Blaine struggles to find his footing. “Well, at first, right after I talked to the priest, I - said some things I shouldn’t have. And I told him about me, and he just wanted to help me. Even after the stuff I’d said. But I sent him away, and yeah. So, anyway, we didn’t talk again until after I started talking to Quinn and feeling better about things. And I realized that I had - y’know, feelings. For him. So I apologized and we just kind of. Yeah. And now we’re dating. Sort of - we don’t go on actual dates, although we did yesterday with Quinn and her girlfriend. Except after we got back we had an argument. Slash misunderstanding. Which I guess is why I’m calling you, really.

Blaine sighs. “This is hard. I’m working on reconciling my religion with my sexuality, but it’s hard. And it’s even harder because Sebastian just doesn’t get it. That’s what we were arguing about, I guess. He’s like you, an atheist, and I don’t care, really. But he doesn’t get it. I don’t want to leave the Church. I know that’s what you wanted, but I don’t.”

“That’s totally okay, Blaine. I’m not going to tell you to stop believing, that’s never gonna happen. You need to do what’s best for you, what makes you happy. And right now, this is the hard part. But after this, in the long run? I think you’ll be happy. I get Sebastian’s side too, I do. And he’s young, you both are, you can’t forget that. Boys can be dicks, but they're not stupid. Tell him how you feel. Even if he doesn’t get the nuances of it. Even if it takes a while. I mean, you’ve come this far, you know?”

Cooper’s advice probably helps more than he realizes, and Blaine feels warm. And Blaine’s storytelling may have been ineloquent, and he’s embarrassed and ashamed by some of the things that have happened. But Cooper accepts it all, doesn’t judge him, and Blaine feels proud in a way he hasn’t before.

Cooper talks for a few more minutes, mostly soothing, reassuring words, basic advice that Blaine tries to take to heart. And then he hesitates, before asking, “Have you told anyone else?”

“You’re pretty much the first. Other people know, but for the most part - I don’t know if I would really call it coming out, since I didn’t actually use the word gay for the most part and I was just so _uncomfortable_. So. If you wanna call yourself the first, you can,” Blaine smiles, knowing Cooper will like that.

And he does. He can practically hear Cooper beaming when he said, “Wow, Blaine, that’s amazing. I really am proud of you, I want you to know that. Hey, I guess this is a good time - do you want me to come home and visit? I’ve been thinking about it, and you have a break coming up, don’t you? I want to see you. I bet you’re taller,” Cooper says a little wistfully. It has been a while since he’s come home.

Blaine smiles widely. “I would love it if you visited, although I really doubt I’m taller. I’m doomed to be at this height forever, apparently. Maybe if you came home I could - I could tell Mom and Dad.” The words get stuck in his throat, but he means them. “I don’t think I can do it alone,” he admits.

Cooper’s breath catches. “I - of course I would help you with that. As long as it’s what you want,” he says, but Blaine hears a note of worry.

It’s contagious. “You think they’ll be okay with it, right, Cooper? To some degree. I’m not expecting, I don’t know - rainbow cake, or anything. But you don’t think they’ll kick me out?” Blaine asks.

“No, no, they won’t kick you out. They love us, Blaine. Even though we aren’t exactly what they thought we were, they’re still gonna try their best. If you wanna come out to them, we’ll do it. I’ll book a flight for next month,” Cooper says firmly.

Blaine nods. “Okay. I guess I should let you go, huh?”

Cooper sighs tiredly. “Probably. I’m - really glad you called me, little bee. I love you. You can call me anytime, okay?”

“I know, Coop. I love you too. I’ll see you soon.”

***

Sebastian knocks on the door later that day and Blaine lets him in without a word, a small smile gracing his lips.

He looks tired. “I’m sorry,” he says without any pretense. “I shouldn’t have said those things last night. I don’t know what I’m talking about, really. I’ve just - I’ve never been religious, you know? I’ve only ever learned about it through school, and you know, they don’t exactly talk about our lifestyle in a _positive way_ ,” he says bitterly. “But I shouldn’t have taken that out on you. It’s your religion, and no matter what I believe I shouldn’t try to push you away from that. Challenge you, sure, but. Last night I went too far,” he sounds distressed and a little afraid, and Blaine wonders, what, exactly, he fears.

Blaine holds up a hand to calm him down. He can’t hide his surprise - it’s not that Sebastian doesn’t apologize, but it’s rare enough that Blaine knows he must really be feeling bad. “Oh. Thank you,” he says. “I’m really glad that didn’t turn into something bigger. I was afraid… well, that you weren’t even going to try. I’m not asking you to go to mass with me, but it would be nice if I could talk to you about it -”

“I’ll go with you,” Sebastian interjects. “To church. And maybe I’ll hate it, but… I want to support you on this. Can’t be that bad if you’ve done it every week of your life.”

Blaine raises his eyebrows. “I’ll admit, I didn’t think our first date would be to church, but if you insist…” he smiles.

Sebastian still looks nervous.

“What’s wrong?” Blaine asks.

Sebastian shakes his head with a tired smile. “I thought you were gonna be really upset and break up with me or something,” he admits.

Blaine is already shaking his head. “Don’t be ridiculous, I’m fine. Now stop worrying and kiss me or something.”

Laughing, Sebastian says, “Now that’s something I can do,” and obliges.

***

“Blaine, have you thought about taking - the next step?” Sebastian asks, breaking off from kissing Blaine, later that night.

Blaine freezes beneath him “You mean, like -”

Sebastian nods. “Like, have you ever had any thoughts about me fucking you? Or you fucking me,” he says calmly.

Blaine blushes, shakes his head a little. “I mean, I know that’s a thing that, happens. But I don’t understand how that could feel - good. I like what we do now,” he says quickly.

“So you’re afraid of it hurting?” Sebastian asks.

Nodding, Blaine sighs and makes an aborted movement to cover his face. “I guess, yeah. Do you - is that something you want?” he asks.

“I’ve done it before, and I like it. Both ways. It doesn’t hurt as long as you do it right. I’m not trying to pressure you, I swear. I’m just wondering where you stand with it. And yes, I want to do it, but only if you do too,” Sebastian says.

“I wouldn’t be averse to trying,” Blaine says. “But I don’t think I’m ready for anything… inside me.”

Sebastian nods. “You could fuck me, and then you could see how much I like it. And you can decide you want to try at some point, or not. It’s up to you. If you never want to do it, that’s fine. I just want to be close to you,” he says earnestly.

Blaine kisses him, even though he’s a little shaky. “We could - tonight, if you want. It would be okay with me.”

Sebastian gasps into his mouth. “Are you sure? We really don’t have to -”

“I want to,” Blaine cuts him off. “I want you to. Show me.”

Smiling in a disbelieving way, Sebastian kisses him gently, slowly. “I’m gonna do all the work, Blaine. Okay? Never too late to back out.”

Blaine shakes his head. “I wanna do this with you. I just don’t wanna hurt you,” he says.

“You won’t.” Sebastian says assuredly, and strips off his underwear. “I”m gonna show you how to do this, so just watch? I’m going to finger myself. It can feel really good, and you need to prepare yourself before you just stick a dick up there. Not exactly how it works in porn,” Sebastian laughs.

He spreads lube on his fingers before rubbing against his hole. His legs are spread wide at the head of the bed, Blaine watching with a deep blush at the foot of it.

Sebastian pushes one in, exhales slowly, and pumps his finger in a few times before he comes back with two. He groans, and Blaine bites his lip. His cock is hard in his underwear and he’s watching Sebastian carefully for any sign of discomfort.

“This look good?” Sebastian asks breathily, before his breath catches. His body is flushed now, and his cock is laying hard against his stomach, precome shining at the tip.

He coats his fingers again and pushes three fingers in, wiggling his body a little and smiling down at Blaine. “Do I look like I hurt at all?” he asks.

Blaine shakes his head. “Do you ever do this when you’re alone?” he asks.

“When I’m masturbating? Definitely,” Sebastian laughs and then moans, crease forming on his forehead. “Fuck. I want you, Blaine, do you want to do this?”

Blaine bites his lip again, then nods. “I - okay,” he says. “Yes, I want to.”

“Come up here, then. Lay down, I’m gonna - I wanna ride you, okay?” Sebastian says breathlessly, pulling his fingers out and wiping them on the bedspread.

Blaine complies as Sebastian gets out a condom and rips it open before rolling it on Blaine’s cock. Blaine jerks into the feeling, cock twitching at Sebastian’s touch. Sebastian chuckles, “Be patient for one more sec,” he says, pouring some lube over Blaine’s cock and then climbing over Blaine, one leg on either side of him.

He kisses Blaine sweetly. You should know that I love you,” he says.

Blaine smiles. “I love you too, Sebastian.”

Sebastian reaches back and takes Blaine’s cock in his hand before rubbing it against his hole.

Blaine groans breathlessly, strained. “Sebastian -” he says in a choked off voice, before Sebastian starts to slide down onto his cock.

“One sec,” Sebastian says. “Been a while, sorry. Was waiting for this one guy,” he laughs.

“Sebastian, you feel -” Blaine says breathlessly, eyes wide. He swallows thickly. “And you - you feel good too?” he asks, still a little tentative.

Sebastian nods vigorously. “Yes, yes, Blaine, _god_ , you have no idea. You feel so good, feel so full, _uhn_ ,-” a low noise is punched out of him as he starts to ride Blaine, sinking down again.

Blaine’s hands are unsure, traveling over Sebastian’s body before Sebastian grabs them in his and places them surely on his waist. Sebastian grins. “Wanted this for so long, Blaine, you have no idea. Feel so good in me, knew you would, I love you. Love your cock, so thick in me, so big,” he says.

Blaine gasps and tosses his head to the side. “God, _oh my god_ , Sebastian, you’re - you’re so,” he tries. “I’m not gonna last long,” he admits, but he feels too good to feel very sorry.

“That’s fine, that - you’re amazing, I won’t take long to come, I want to feel you,” Sebastian speeds up, the slick sound of fucking becoming filthier as he shuts his eyes and throws his head back. Blaine feels like he should be embarrassed at the depravity of the whole situation, but Sebastian is so tight and warm around him, so wet, and he brings a hand to his nipple and pinches, bucks his hips up and falls in love with Sebastian’s sobbing moans, the way his hand falls to slap the headboard hard as he grows more desperate.

And Blaine is too, as he starts to thrust up into Sebastian, and finally Sebastian falls forward, kissing Blaine hard and he can’t stop gasping into his mouth, nearly hyperventilating as he starts to beg, and his voice is so different from any way Blaine’s ever heard him, high and pleading, completely strung-out and gone.

“Please, please Blaine, fuck me, yes, want you to come, okay? Want you to come,” he says, starting to stroke his own cock with the hand that isn’t holding him up over Blaine.

And Blaine does, kissing Sebastian hard before he thrusts up _hard_ into Sebastian and comes with a high keen and a moaned, “Sebastian,” with shivers racing up his spine and he feels like he can’t get enough air even as he gulps lungfuls in.

Sebastian fucks down once, twice more, frantically pulling at his cock before he comes, too, biting at Blaine’s neck in a way that makes his cock twitch despite himself as Sebastian splatters both of their bellies with come.

His thighs are shaking as he pulls carefully off of Blaine, collapsing to the side and kissing Blaine hard.

“You are the most amazing boy I have ever met,” he says, still breathless.

***

After they clean up, Sebastian curls up behind him, one arm wrapped around Blaine’s torso.

And Blaine thinks he could just let them sleep, happy and tired and sated, but. There’s something that’s been niggling at him, and he can’t ignore it forever.

He lays there for a minute, wondering how to say it before, “I want to come out to my parents,” comes tumbling out of his mouth, and _already_ he can feel Sebastian tensing behind him.

But all Sebastian gives is an, “Okay…” of acknowledgement.

Blaine tries not to fidget, but he’s feeling jittery. “But I’m nervous,” he admits.

“That’s understandable,” Sebastian says, voice unreadable.

Blaine restrains a sigh. “Are you out to your parents?” he asks.

He’s met with a bark of bitter laughter. “How do you think I ended up here?”

“You came out and they sent you away?” Blaine asks, dismayed.

Sebastian shakes his head. “No, I told them when I was younger. I don’t know, 13? 14? I thought everything was gonna be fine, but instead they just said, ‘Don’t talk about this with anyone,’ and my mom mentioned God even though the last time she was in a church was when I was baptized. And we never talked about it again. We didn’t even really talk about it when they caught me - well. I came here after that.”

There’s a quiet anger in his voice that morphs as he tightens his grip on Blaine once more. “Of course, if that happened I probably wouldn’t have met you.”

Blaine smiles a little, but he still feels sad at the story. “I don’t want that to happen to me,” he says.

“Well, me neither. Do you have an idea of how they might react?”

“I mean - I don’t think they’re gonna kick me out or anything, but. They’re not going to welcome it with open arms, either. I’m mostly afraid because… you remember how I told you my brother is an atheist? Well, he told my parents, uh, about ten years ago now. And it was just. Bad. It wasn’t that they were angry or anything, they were just _sad_. They felt like they’d failed as parents, and I really - I don’t want to make them feel like that,” he says, voice thick.

Sebastian nudges at Blaine’s shoulder, turns him over so they’re facing each other. “Have you considered _not_ telling them? Not forever, just for now. You have a great relationship with your parents, Blaine. I’m - honestly, I’m jealous. They care about you, want the best for you. I just want you to think this through.”

Blaine shakes his head. “I can’t have a great relationship if every time I’m with them I’m thinking about how I’m _lying_ to them. Cooper is coming home for spring break. He’s gonna help me, whether just for moral support or… I don’t know. I’m going to tell them.”

“Okay,” Sebastian says quietly, concern still obvious. “I just want you to be happy.”

Blaine smiles. “I know,” he says, and kisses him.

“Goodnight, Blaine.”

“Goodnight.”

***

At some point, Blaine knows, they have to tell Nick and Jeff.

It’s just kind of hard to get the four of them together, alone, without it seeming weird. Blaine has drafted and deleted more text messages than he would care to count.

But eventually, they get assigned to do a group project together. And they’re all learning over Blaine’s desk in his room, concentrating on the “kickass” (Sebastian’s words) poster about Transcendentalism, and, well. It just kind of slips out.

“So, Sebastian and I are dating,” he says without any sort of prompting.

Sebastian drops the pen he’s holding while Nick seems to choke on his own spit.

“Okay,” Jeff says, thumping Nick on the back. “Is this new, or?”

Blaine looks at Sebastian, who just shrugs, eyeing Blaine warily. “It’s not… new,” he compromises.

Nick, who finally has his breath back, asks, “How did it start?”

“Well, after avoiding and ignoring me for weeks, he apologizes out of the blue and just fucking plants one on me in the commons after Warbler rehearsal. I guess he just couldn't resist any longer,” Sebastian smirks, lifting one eyebrow.

There’s quiet for a minute, before Nick mumbles, “This is so not how I expected this year to go.” And it shouldn’t be very funny, but it _is_ because it’s so _true_ , and what starts out as a giggle from Blaine leads to all four of them caught in hysterical laughter, clutching their stomachs and wiping their eyes while they try to get it together.

Blaine manages to choke out a “You and me both, man,” once he calms down a little.

“Seriously! I came into this yea thinking the only gay person I knew was my cousin, and now two of my friends are dating and my best friend is my boyfriend. Like, what?” Nick says.

Jeff smiles “Guess change isn’t always bad, huh?”

“Well, I’d love to reminisce and discuss our incredible gayness, but this project is due tomorrow and we need to focus on the clearly homosexual Transcendentalist authors,” Sebastian interjects, and they all sheepishly agree, turning back to the poster.

The atmosphere is different, now. It’s open, happy, safe. And Blaine knows from Jeff’s meaningful looks and smiles that the conversation is not over.

***

So Blaine is really not surprised when a knock on his door the next day turns out to be Jeff, with a wide smile and a cupcake in a tupperware.

“What are you gonna do to me?” Blaine asks suspiciously, while moving to the side to let Jeff in.

The response is a too-cheery, “We’re gonna talk!”

“Aren’t we already doing that?”

Jeff sits on Blaine’s bed and gives him a Look. “Sebastian is rubbing off on you. Definitely figuratively, and probably literally,” he says, eyeing Blaine appraisingly and leaving Blaine spluttering.

“You totally are though, don’t lie to me. It’s why I’m here,” Jeff says. “Don’t look at me like that, this is what friends are for.”

Blaine tries to protest with a weak, “I really don’t know -”

But Jeff interrupts him. “Nope! No getting out of this one. It’s for your own good. So let’s get down to it - are you having sex with Sebastian?”

Sighing, Blaine just nods, rubbing a hand over his face.

“Do you like it?”

Blaine peers out through his fingers with an incredulous expression. “Do I _like_ it?” he asks.

“Gonna put that down as a yes, then. What are you guys doing?”

Blaine holds up a hand. “First of all, this is really invasive and also really none of your business. Second: why are you doing this, really? C’mon, Jeff, I know something’s up.”

Jeff sighs. “Okay, honestly, I came in here thinking I was gonna do a sex ed type thing, but you actually seem to be… pretty fine,” he says, sounding a little contrite.

After sitting there for a moment, Blaine says, “It was a nice thought, but Sebastian helped me - a lot. Although.” He cuts himself off, jamming his lips together.

But Jeff pounces. “What? Come on, Blaine, you can tell me. I just wanna help you, dude. We’ve gotta stick together.”

“Have you ever been - have you and Nick ever?” Blaine tries, blushing.

Jeff shakes his head. “Can’t say it, can’t do it, Blaine. Come on.”

“Have you guys had like. Anal sex?” he rushes through the words, ears red.

Jeff smiles. “Good job. But no, we haven’t. Nick doesn’t want to and I don’t care much either way. Why? Do you or Sebastian want to?”

“We already have. I’m asking because, I know Sebastian wants to - fuck me, but. I’m kind of, I don’t know. Nervous. I guess I’m looking for advice,” Blaine admits.

Nodding slowly, Jeff says, “Well, do you want to?”

“I mean, yeah. Sebastian and people on the Internet seem to really enjoy it, it’s just. I don’t know. It’s not something I’m _supposed_ to want, you know?” he laughs humorlessly.

“Fuck that,” Jeff says suddenly. “Fuck Christian guilt. Blaine, forget what you’re ‘supposed,’ to want, or do, and do what _you_ wanna do. If you and Sebastian both want to, just go for it. You love him?” he asks, sounding calmer now.

Blaine nods. “A lot.”

“So share that with him. Let yourself be happy, Blaine. Don’t hold back from living your life.”

Without saying anything else, Blaine scoots over to Jeff and hugs him tightly, only murmuring, “Thank you, Jeff. For everything,” once Jeff wraps his own arms around Blaine.

“You are just… so good, Blaine. I wish you could possibly know.”

***

Blaine goes to confession.

It’s not an easy decision. He’s had chills all morning, and Sebastian keeps asking if Blaine is feeling okay - and honestly, no, he feels a bit like throwing up, but this is something he needs to do. He’ll tell Sebastian once he gets back.

He doesn’t drive far away this time. He’s not hiding anymore.

Blaine feels a little floaty once he gets there, a kind of buzzing filling his head - but he talks to a priest - names Father Mulaney - and then there’s a wall between them. Rattling off the Our Father with the priest is nothing, and then there’s just waiting.

“Father, to start out, I think you should know that I’m - gay,” he says, trying to keep his breathing regular. “But that isn’t what I’m confessing today. I’m here to confess that I’ve been questioning the path God has put me on. I’ve been struggling with my faith, but I think - I think I’ve figured it out now. And I need to apologize for doubting Him in the first place.

He waits, knee bouncing anxiously, before the priest speaks. “Son, we all question our faith sometimes. Even me! Would you believe that?”

“But - you’re a priest,” Blaine says.

Father Mulaney just laughs. “Nobody’s born a priest. I didn’t become one until i was in my 30s. And I’m gonna tell you something I’ve learned - it doesn’t matter if we question our faith. There are many pitfalls and struggles in this life. it’s what we choose in the end that matters. I’m sure you had very legitimate reasons for questioning your path. I’m just thrilled you found your way back to it. You can share the reasons with me, if you want. I am here for guidance, after all,” he says kindly, earnestly.

Blaine smiles and blushes, letting out an exhale he hadn’t realized he had been holding in. He twists his hands together in his lap. “I - it’s a long story,” he says.

The smile is audible when the priest says, “I’ve got time.”

It goes fine until Blaine starts talking about his experience with the other priest.

“He said _what_?” Father Mulaney asks sharply, interrupting Blaine.

Blaine repeats it, voice muted but steady. It hurts to think about, even now. Words like “depraved” and “to reject that is to spit in His face,” still haunt the edges of his thoughts sometimes.

There’s a few moments after Blaine finishes where there is only the sound of breathing, and he feels dread clawing its way up when Father Mulaney speaks.

“Blaine, I need you to do something for both you and me. Forget what he said. I am… utterly appalled,” he says, and his voice is tight. “I know the mixing of this and religion is controversial right now, but, I want you to remember this. It doesn’t matter who you love as long as you have love in your heart. God exists most purely where there is love. I know Church teaching is complicated on this right now, but - you will always have a home with this  Church. And humans will always be fallible. Some more than others. Keep your faith, but keep it how you feel you should. Because that will always be the best way for you. Do you understand?” he asks, speaking carefully.

Blaine nods vigorously, biting at his lip before saying, “Yes - yes, I understand. Thank you, Father. So much.”

“You’re a good boy, Blaine,” Father Mulaney says. They finish up and exit.

Father Mulaney walks him to his car, making small talk and smiling.

Blaine hugs him before he leaves, and the priest goes after a murmured, “Always remember to keep love in your heart.”

He drives away feeling like he’s glowing.

***

The night before spring break is nervewracking. Sebastian is trying to distract Blaine the best he can - games, food, and kissing - but his own nerves are showing through his carefree facade.

“Gonna miss you this week,” he admits, giving it up after a while. His hand is rubbing gently at Blaine’s back.

Blaine smiles a little. “Well, if everything goes well I’ll still be seeing you at some point. Don’t think the worst, please, Sebastian. You’ll freak me out. I really want you to meet my brother, you know? I think you two would get on really well.”

“You keep telling me all these good things about him and I don’t know if he’s telling you from me or I wanna steal _him_ from _you_ ,” Sebastian teases.

Blaine huffs out a laugh. “Shut up,” he says, leaning forward and distracting Sebastian from any answer he might have had.

Pulling away, he looks up at Sebastian with big eyes and murmurs, “Sebastian, before… I want - I want you to fuck me.”

Blaine can hear Sebastian’s gasp and feel his cock twitch against his thigh, knows he was heard.

“Are you sure?” Sebastian asks.

Blaine nods. “I’ve been thinking about it a lot. And I can’t think of a better time. If you don’t want to, that’s fine, but -”

“I do,” Sebastian says quickly. “Of course I do,” he kisses Blaine. “Get undressed for me?”

Obliging, Blaine strips off his clothes while Sebastian does the same and gets out some things from the drawer, before coming back to lean over Blaine.

“Do it,” Blaine says, voice betraying only a hint of nervousness. He’s seen what this does to Sebastian. He’s ready, and he can’t deny that he’s been curious for a while now.

And Sebastian wouldn’t hurt him for anything, he knows that. He trusts him. He loves him. And he tells Sebastian that just to see the blush form on his face as he answers, “I love you too, Blaine. And I can assure you that’s not something I ever expected to say with lube on my fingers.”

Blaine draws his knees up, and Sebastian leans over him, kissing him soundly as he rubs one finger over Blaine’s hole, gentle, not even probing yet. He’s trying to get Blaine to relax, probably - he feels pretty relaxed, but. It’s kind of hard.

Well - he’s soft, but that doesn’t matter too much, even though Sebastian is definitely hard against him.

Sebastian pushes one finger in, then, just a little, without warning. Blaine opens up without any resistance, and Sebastian smiles as he kisses him. “Good,” he says, barely breaking the kiss. He pushes his finger in further, fucks it in a few times.

It’s weird, honestly, but it doesn’t hurt it all. “Another,” Blaine says, eyebrows a little furrowed.

Sebastian understands, fortunately. He grins, comes back a second later with two fingers. It’s a little more of a stretch, but it’s a good stretch, friction and filling.

The rest is easy, fingers and lube and kissing, and even though he doesn’t realize it happening, by the time Sebastian is leaning over him sweating and three fingers deep in Blaine’s ass, Blaine is decidedly hard, cock leaking against his stomach.

“Fuck me,” he says, rolling his hips, and Sebastian doesn’t ask, doesn’t need to.

He reaches over, grabs a condom, and slides it on.

He positions himself over Blaine, kisses him, and Blaine feels the blunt pressure of Sebastian’s cock against his hole. He groans, and then his breath catches as Sebastian pushes in, a sure, constant filling. He’s holding tightly onto Sebastian’s shoulder, nails digging in a little. It twinges a little, but then he feels Sebastian’s cock throbs in him and he wants it. “C’mon, fuck me,” he says again, breathlessly.

Sebastian grins down at him. “Patience, baby,” he says, but he starts to move anyway. It’s slow at first, but at Blaine’s urging (both verbal and nonverbal) he starts moving faster, harder.

And he’s such a talker, as always. “Blaine, baby you feel so good, so fucking good around my cock,”

“Fu- Sebastian, fuck, oh my god,” Blaine gasps as Sebastian fucks rapid-fire into him, balls slapping against his ass. He’s rougher now, hands tight on Blaine’s body and punching noises out of him with his thrusts.

And he’s angled so perfectly, and Blaine’s hands are shaking with how good at it, resting in loose fists on Sebastian’s back and his breathing is so fast and his cock is twitching on his stomach as Sebastian comes apart over him. “So beautiful Blaine, opening up for my cock like this, huh, you like it?”

“ _Yes_ ,” Blaine answers, even though he knows it wasn’t really a question. “Yes, yes, please, I want - I wanna come, Sebastian, are you close, please,” he says, breathless.

Sebastian kisses Blaine hard, bruising, with too much teeth, desperate and raw. “Touch yourself, Blaine,” he says, gritting his teeth and keeping up his pace.

Blaine does, manages to wrap a hand around his cock as he tries to stroke himself at the same pace as Sebastian is fucking into him. He’s rocking back onto Sebastian’s cock, too, trying to get the most of it he can, it’s soso good, and -

“Oh, shit,” Blaine says, freezing and then jerking as he starts to come, clenching his muscles tightly as he sobs his release into Sebastian’s shoulder, clawing him weakly.

“Blaine, you -” Sebastian says, and he lasts maybe another 30 seconds before he wraps himself up in Blaine and comes, hips stuttering into Blaine, Blaine twitching with oversensitivity below him.

They pant, and Sebastian kisses Blaine. He pulls away after a minute to find Blaine’s eyes wet.

“Oh my god, did I hurt you?” he asks, face filling with sudden dread.

“What? No, I’m not - I don’t know, I’m not crying. You didn’t hurt me, Sebastian, that was - really good. I want to do that again. Maybe not _tomorrow_ , but soon,” he says. “If you couldn’t figure that out from the way I came all over myself.”

Sebastian huffs as he pulls out gingerly. “God forbid I express concern for your well-being,” he says. as he ties the condom off and, thankfully, throws it successfully into the trash.

“Now I’m definitely gonna miss you this week,” Blaine says sleepily once they’ve settled into bed. “I’ve got a lot of catching up to do.”

Sebastian sounds smug when he says, “Knew you’d like it. Now, go to sleep. You’ve got a big day tomorrow.”

***

Cooper is already home by the time Blaine gets there. He only knows this because immediately after getting out of the car he is near about tackled by nearly 200 pounds of brother.

“Blainey!” Cooper says, squeezing Blaine tightly. Blaine melts into his arms, ignores that his breathing is a little shallow - Cooper will just go on about how strong he is if Blaine does that, and he’s really not interested in Cooper’s workout routine.

“H-hi, Coop,” Blaine laughs a little. “It’s good to see you too.”

Cooper takes a step back. “You weren’t kidding,” he says.

Confused, Blaine asks. “About what?”

“You _are_ still short. Guess I can keep calling you squirt forever, squirt,” Cooper smirks, looking him up and down. But before Blaine can even justify that with a response, Cooper is grabbing Blaine’s weekend bag and dragging Blaine inside. “C’mon, let’s say hi to mom and dad!”

***

Everything goes pretty normally up until dinner. Blaine draws more and more into himself and Cooper gets even louder to make up for it. If their parents notice anything is off, they don’t mention it.

Blaine says grace before dinner, watches Cooper struggling not to say anything as he takes his father and Blaine’s hands and silently listens to Blaine’s voice.

“Oh, it’s just so good to have my boys back together again,” Ms. Anderson says once they start eating. “How has school been going, Blaine?”

Blaine finishes chewing and nods slowly. “It’s been pretty good. The classes are hard this year but I have mostly A’s, still…” he trails off and feels Cooper’s hand come to rest on his knee, squeezing reassuringly. Instantly Blaine feels his heart in his throat, and he tries to swallow. He takes a sip of water with a shaking hand.

“Everything all right, Blaine?” asks his father, sounding concerned.

Blaine nods. “Yes, I’m just. I have something to tell you,” he says. He presses his lisp together, pretends not to see the look his parents exchange.

“I’m gay.”

Silence.

Cooper’s hand tightens on Blaine’s knee again, and Blaine can feel it spasm even though he can’t breathe and he feels sick and he can’t bring himself to actually look at either of his parents. It’s like the air has stopped flowing and it pressing down in an attempt to suffocate them.

Blaine starts to shake, because - it’s been quiet too long, and nobody is _saying anything_. Cooper must feel Blaine’s leg trembling under his hand.

“No, you are not doing this to him,” Cooper’s vice cuts in, hardened but clearly upset. “I’m not gonna let you do the same thing to him as you did to me, he’s too good. He’s the same person, can’t you see that?” Cooper says desperately, and Blaine finally looks up.

To his surprise, his parents look mostly - confused, exchanging another look across the table.

“Of course he is, baby,” his mom says slowly, looking carefully at Cooper, who’s breathing sort of heavily.

“It’s okay, Blaine,” his father says firmly, looking him dead in the eyes, and oh, he’s been holding his breath. “Thank you for telling us,” he continues.

Blaine nods shakily.

Reaching over, his mom takes his hand and holds it tightly, not letting go. “We figured something was going on, but we didn’t - well. But it’s all right, sweetheart,” she says, and Blaine is blinking rapidly, trying so hard.

“You really don’t think it’s - wrong?”

His mom shakes her head fiercely. “There’s not one thing wrong with you, Blaine. You’re my sweet boy. That hasn’t changed.”

“I’m not going to lie to you and say I’m thrilled,” his father sighs. “But God made you this way, so.” He takes his glasses off.

Ms. Anderson clutches at the table, suddenly, urgently, asking, “Cooper, what did you mean?”

Cooper frowns. “What?”

“You said, ‘Don’t do the same to him as you did to me.’ What - What did you mean?”

He stares at her. “What did I mean,” he repeats back flatly. But he speaks again before anyone else can. He takes his hand off of Blaine’s leg.

“I mean, how when I told you I didn’t believe in God, you looked at me like someone had _died_. I mean how you stopped asking me to say grace at dinner. How you switched Blaine into Catholic school instead of public school so he wouldn’t be _influenced_ like I was. How you look at me different to _this day_ , like you’re feeling guilty and trying to find a way to fix me when there’s nothing wrong with me in the first place!” he says hotly, voice raised and eyes shining.

The table is silent with horror as he inhales shakily. He speaks again, voice quieter. “And I never want Blaine to ever feel like he’s a disappointment to his family, or that his family loves him less. So that’s what I mean, mom.”

Ms. Anderson sobs, a hand covering her mouth. Blaine stares resolutely into his lap, bitter taste on his tongue and eyes burning.

“Cooper, _no_ ,” his mother manages. She shakes her head vigorously. “I am so _sorry_ , for how we reacted when you first told us, we had no idea, we didn’t understand - we thought we must have done something _wrong_. But we never in a million years -”

Their father interrupts, able to speak more coherently. “We still don’t understand, Cooper. But that’s not what matters. You _are not_ , have never been, and never will be a disappointment,” he says seriously, holding Cooper’s eye contact. “And we _never_ loved you any less, and we are so proud of you,” he says, voice breaking as he holds in tears.

“You’re both my boys,” Ms. Anderson says, reaching over and grabbing their hands in her smaller ones. “And I love you so, so much, and I only want the absolute best for your lives,” she smiles now, though her voice is still wet. “And I worry sometimes. But that will never change how I feel about either of you. I love you both more than life itself, I’ll tell you every day if I have to. And I’m so sorry, Cooper, for all these years of you not knowing that. I hope you can forgive us, and that we can just… be a happy family,” she says, eyes wide.

Cooper stands, then rushes over to his mom’s seat and hugs her tightly. “That’s all I want,” he says, and Blaine smiles in relief and goes over to join them.

***

“I’ll talk to you tomorrow, Sebastian,” he says, just as there’s a knock on his door. “Come in!” he calls out, leaning over to plug in his phone.

The door opens, and it’s Cooper, looking about as vulnerable as Blaine has ever seen him. “Is this a bad time? It can wait -”

Blaine interrupts. “No, I’m not doing anything important. What is it?”

Cooper walks tentatively into his room. “I just wanted to - thank you.”

Furrowing his eyebrows, Blaine asks, confused, “For what?”

“That could have festered… forever. The rest of my life, probably. So I just wanted to thank you. I don’t know if I would have ever dealt with that, talked to them about it, if it wasn’t for you,” Cooper admits, sitting on the edge of Blaine’s bed.

Blaine smiles crookedly. “I’m not sure how much I did. You were the one who spoke up.” A pause, and then, “I’m happy for you, Coop.”

Cooper smiles dopily. “Me too.”

There’s content silence for a minute before Cooper asks, “So was that Sebastian you were on the phone with?”

Blaine nods. “He’s happy for me. I think he’s a little bit sad for himself, too, but he was trying not to be, I think. I can’t blame him, to be honest,” he admits. “Tonight went.. really well.”

“Yeah,” Cooper says, before curling up on Blaine’s bed and laying there while Blaine picks up a book.

“Love you, Blainey,” Cooper says tiredly half an hour later, words slurred and eyes still closed.

Blaine smiles at him, says, “I love you too, Coop,” and lets his own eyes gradually shut, even though all the lights are on and it isn’t even that late.

He even pretends to still be asleep when his parents come by and coo and talk softly, looking into the room for a few minutes. When they leave, they switch the lights off, and Blaine lets himself drift off again.

***

_“Hey, Wes, after practice, can I make a quick announcement?”_

Why did he do that, again? Wes had said yes, of course, but now Blaine can’t get out of doing this.

And it’s not that he’s changed his mind about doing it, it’s just - he was under the misapprehension that coming out gets easier the more you do it, but it definitely doesn’t feel that way to him now. He still feels sick, still wonders if he’ll be able to actually do it.

He wishes he had Cooper for moral support right now, but he’s back in school and Cooper is back in California. he has Sebastian, at least, very much present with his thigh pressing warmly against Blaine’s. But Blaine knows he’s nervous about this too.

_“Okay, so I haven’t told you this before,” he says after Blaine first makes the suggestion of coming out to the Warblers. “But my father told me in no uncertain terms that I’m supposed to stay closeted if I want to ever leave this school.” He watches Blaine’s expression carefully._

_“Oh - oh, so you don’t want. That’s fine, I understand, we don’t have to,” Blaine starts, backtracking._

_But Sebastian hushes him. “No, Blaine, that’s not - I want to. I just wanted you to know what it would mean for me, if we do this. And if I had to choose a few months ago, I would have said hell no, I just want to get out of here,” he huffs out a laugh. “But I don’t feel that way anymore. I know of… like it here. Sure, I have to put up with some masses and shitty teachers, but it’s not like I’m alone, now. I’ve got friends. I’ve got you,” he smiles, and his eyes crinkle. “So, yes, I want to do this with you. It’s not like people don’t talk about me already. This is going to be a big deal for you, though. Are you ready for everyone to know? Because the Warblers can’t keep a secret for five minutes.”_

_Blaine nods. “I’ve thought about it a lot, and I’m just - so tired of hiding. You know? It’s exhausting. And maybe I still won’t be able to hold your hand in the hallway or kiss you before class, but it’ll still be different. The Warblers are my closest friends, and maybe they won’t all welcome it with open arms, but. It’s still worth it, to me. So, if you want to do it, I say we do it.” He takes a deep, steadying breath._

_“Let’s do it, then,” Sebastian smiles._

And here they are,  at the end of Warblers rehearsal, and Wes is gesturing for Blaine to speak.

He stands. “Um, hi guys, I just wanted to say something. It’s kind of important, but it won’t take long, I swear. I just wanted to let you all know that… I’m gay. Sebastian is my boyfriend,” Blaine looks down at Sebastian and they exchange a nervous smile.

The room is quiet and then fills with the buzzing of voices as Blaine sits back down.

Blaine looks over to the Council’s table to find Wes smiling proudly at Blaine next to a surprised-looking David as he says, “...All right. Meeting adjourned.” He bangs the gavel, and people reluctantly stand and start to clear out.

He gets a mixed set of expressions, from Trent’s broad grin and “Congratulations,” to a look of confusion and fear from james as he uses the farthest door from Blaine.

The Council, as well as Jeff and Nick, are the last ones there, alongside Blaine and Sebastian on the couch. With a sparkle in Nick’s eyes and a “nice,” from Jeff, they leave. Not everyone can afford to come out, Blaine knows.

“Come here,” Wes beckons, and as they comply Wes comes out from behind the desk and hugs Blaine tightly. “Glad you took my advice?” he asks with a laugh.

“Please. Who was warning me off in the first place?”

Wes shakes his head. “You did well, Blaine. You’ll probably be elected to the council next year,” he confides.

Blaine raises his eyebrows. “Even after this?”

“You might be surprised,” Wes smiles. “Come on, David, Thad, we’ve got to keep everyone from gossiping too much at dinner.

Once they’re gone, Blaine looks up at Sebastian to find him grinning broadly. “That went well!” he starts, but then Sebastian is kissing him soundly, with excitement.

“Let’s skip dinner. I’ve got something better in mind,” he says with a smirk, and Blaine isn’t one to argue.

***

_“Can we meet up?”_ Blaine gets a text from Quinn. They haven’t been able to see each other as often, recently, between Quinn’s upcoming graduation and Blaine’s busy schedule.

_“Of course. When?”_ he asks, and he’s very surprised to immediately receive a text saying, _“Now?”_

But he still agrees, and very shortly after he’s pulling up to the Lima Bean .He can see Quinn inside already, hunched over a table.

“Is everything okay?” he asks immediately as he sits down across from her.

She looks up, and she seems rougher than he’s ever seen her. She’s not wearing any makeup, and there are bags until her eyes. “Uh, so. I came out to my parents,” she says.

“And?” he asks nervously.

She smiles bitterly. “And I got kicked out.”

His heart drops, and his hand flies to his mouth. “Quinn. I am so sorry,” he says, swallowing hard.

But she just shrugs. “I was kind of expecting it. I’ve moved in with Santana. They know about us and they’re - totally fine with it. It’s not like I’m living on the streets, or in a motel.”

“Expecting it doesn’t make it any easier,” Blaine says, resting his chin in his hand.

Quinn looks up, visibly startled. “Yeah, you’re right,” she says. “I still feel so… so _hurt_. So angry. But more than that, I’m - nervous, for the future. I’m supposed to go to college this falls, but. I don’t have any money. I’ve applied for scholarships, but I won’t know until may. I’m working on getting a job, though, so I guess we’ll see what happens with that.”

“Everything will work out, Quinn,” Blaine says reassuringly.

She shakes her head. “How can you know that?”

“I’ve got a strong feeling that this is a blessing in disguise. You belong at Yale, not stuck here in Ohio. I have faith that you’ll make things happen. Besides, it’s about time something really good happens to you. You deserve it,” he says slowly, considering his words carefully.

Sighing, she says, “I sure hope you’re right.”

He stays there with her until the coffee shop closes, despite the amount of homework he has piled up in his room.

it’s worth it when he sees her smile before she hugs him goodbye. “Blaine, you’ve got a weird knack at giving people hope,” she says. “I’ll see you soon.”

***

When he gets back, he prays. “In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit, amen,” he murmurs while crossing himself as he kneels beside his bed.

He clears his throat, tries to figure out what to say. “I’ve been apologizing for a lot of things this year, and I only recently realized that… maybe I didn’t need to. So I’m done apologizing, except for this last one: I’m sorry for doubting you, for - questioning the path you put me on. I was confused, and I couldn’t see beyond my own struggles to see what I have. but I know now, how much I have to be thankful for, how much you’ve given me that I was blind to.” He pauses, collects his thoughts.

“So I want to thank you for giving me Sebastian, and Quinn this year, my other friends and my family. And I want to pray for them, too. So, please, Lord, let Quinn be able to go to college. She’s been through so much, please let her have this. Let Nick grow comfortable in himself with Jeff, so one day he’ll be able to come out, too. Let Sebastian keep being happy here, and let his relationship with his parents eventually get easier. Let Cooper be happy with our parents, and please watch out for him, even though he doesn’t believe. And I guess I’ll pray for me. Please continue to bless me like you have done all along, even if I lose my way again. Amen,” he smiles, recites the Our Father, stands, and stretches before going to get ready for bed.

***

Blaine has always hated having a May birthday. It normally ends up falling right before or during exam week and he ends up studying alone on his birthday.

But not this year. This year he goes home on Friday after a long week of finals, and his birthday is _Saturday_ and his parents are going to take him out to dinner.

As he pulls up to the house, he notices that there are a lot of cars parked down the street. Maybe the Bowlings are having a graduation party?

He walks in, says, “I’m home!” and is greeted by his mom’s voice saying, “We’re out back, sweetheart! Come give us a hand?”

Everything has been going really well with his parents. They’ve been asking questions and he’s been talking about it, a little at a time. He doesn’t tell them everything, of course. But they know about Sebastian, and after one brief moment where he thought his dad was going to have a heart attack, he’d said, “Why did you tell us sooner? I want to meet this kid,” which led to an interesting phone call with Sebastian later that night.

The Warblers and school have been good too. There are a few bad reactions, of course - some boys Blaine has known for years now resolutely ignore him, won’t even sit at the same lunch table with the Warblers anymore.

“Fuck them, and good riddance,” Sebastian says when Blaine confesses how hurt he is, mumbling into Sebastian’s shoulder. “They weren’t your real friends anyway.”

And Blaine knows he’s right, but somehow that doesn't make him feel much better.

There’s some mixed reactions, too, people who are a little more cautious around him now, but he thinks that will wear off with time.

Most of his friends don’t actually care at all. They’re not exactly asking for all the details about his and Sebastian's relationship, but their quiet support is more than enough for him.

Yeah, everything is going pretty well.

“Surprise!”

A small explosion in his backyard as at least a dozen people jump out at him.

He blinks, mute, for a second, before he focuses on what’s happening. “Is this… for my birthday?” he asks, looking at all the decorations.

“Who else would it be for, squirt?”

Blaine’s eyes widen. “Cooper!” he exclaims, launching himself at his brother. “I thought you were still in LA?”

“Please. Who do you think planned this thing?”

Sebastian cuts in. “Uh, me. We talked to this guy last minute because we needed a place to actually surprise you. I figured we wouldn’t all fit in your dorm room,” he raises his eyebrow and cracks a smile.

Blaine looks around, finally taking in everyone and everything. Some of the Warblers are here, including Nick, Jeff, Wes, and David. He sees Quinn talking to his parents standing alongside Santana, and. Wow. He never thought his life would be like this.

“Thank you so much, guys. This is… the best birthday gift I could have ever hoped for. Now, Sebastian, if you’re ready, I think it’s time for you to meet my parents,” BLaine smiles, promptly taking Sebastian by the elbow and steering him over.

Sebastian grumbles, but Blaine knows he’s just trying to hide his nerves. “Guess I should have used the bathroom earlier,” he says, and Blaine rolls his eyes.

“Ladies, if you’ll allow us to interrupt, I’ll be over to talk to you in a minute.”

Santana laughs. “Whatever, smurf and giant. Don’t expect me to wait too long, or I’ll make off with your cake.”

Blaine ignores her. “Mom, Dad, this is Sebastian. My boyfriend.”

“Heard a lot about you,” his dad says. “Must admit, I did not think you’d be this tall. How do you even have conversations with him all the way up there?” he jokes.

Blaine splutters. “Oh, can we quit it with the short jokes -”

But Sebastian is laughing. “It’s a struggle.”

“In all seriousness, though, we really have to thank you, we think. Blaine told us everything, but we’re sure you helped him this year, probably more than you even know. So… thank you, for looking out for him. Keeping him safe,” his mother says, all five feet of her staring intensely up at Sebastian. “I would never forgive myself if my son ended up as - one of those stories on the news.”

Sebastian nods slowly. “Me neither,” he says, snaking an arm around Blaine’s waist.

“Well - go enjoy your party, Blaine. It was nice to meet you, Sebastian. Take care of my boy,” Mr. Anderson says.

Sebastian grins. “Will do,” he says, before they start to make their way over to Quinn and Santana.

Santana opens her mouth, surely to say something snappy, but before she can, Sebastian drags her off to the side to leave Quinn and Blaine alone. They’ve been texting, Blaine knows. He’s happy that Sebastian has friends outside of Dalton.

“Hey there, Warbler,” Quinn says with a warm smile. “One year older. Pretty exciting year, too.”

Blaine laughs quietly. “Exciting. Yeah, maybe. Depends on your definition, I guess.”

“Well, was it a _good_ year, at least?” she asks with genuine curiosity.

Blaine leans back and reflects, corner of his mouth curling up. “You know,” he says. “Yeah, it was. What about for you?”

Quinn crosses her arms and taps her foot absentmindedly. “Well, I met this guy and made a new friend. Came out to my parents, got kicked out. Graduated. Got a full ride to Yale.”

“Wait -” Blaine stops her. “You got it?!”

She nods, giggling, and Blaine grabs her hands and jumps up and down. “Quinn!” he says excitedly. “Oh my gosh, that’s _amazing_ , I’m so proud of you. You’re going to do so well, I just know it. And you get to rub this in everyone’s faces, that you, Quinn Fabray, are amazing enough to go to Yale.”

Still grinning, Quinn says, “You’re amazing too, you know. You inspire me so much, Blaine, and I just want to thank you for being you. I’d still be in the closet if it weren’t for you,” she sighs happily. “But it’s your birthday - we’ve got to celebrate!”

And at the end of the night, when a slow song comes on and Blaine finds himself swaying tiredly in Sebastian's arms, he can’t help but look around just to see the happiness on everyone's faces. Jeff and Nick, Quinn and Santana, his parents, all dancing together, in their own little worlds.

Blaine lets his eyes close as he rests his head on Sebastian’s shoulder. “I am so glad I met you,” he murmurs.

Sebastian turns his head and presses a kiss to Blaine’s hair. “Can you recite me your favorite Bible verse again?” he asks.

“Why do you like it when I do that so much?”

Sebastian gives a little shrug. “Your voice. You get - it’s hard to explain. Will you do it?”

Blaine smiles into Sebastian’s neck. “Of course I will.”

_“The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures; He leads me beside quiet waters. He restores my soul; He guides me in the paths of righteousness For His name's sake. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I fear no evil, for You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies; You have anointed my head with oil; My cup overflows. Surely goodness and loving kindness will follow me all the days of my life, And I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.”_

The end is punctuated by the beeping of Sebastian’s alarm on his watch.

“Hah,” he says. “It’s midnight. Happy birthday, Blaine.”

Blaine laughs. “Cheater.”

“Ready for another year?”

Smiling, Blaine says, “With you by my side? I think I can handle just about anything.” He leans up to kiss Sebastian before he can say anything else, and just enjoys the night and the closeness of someone he loves.

_The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want._

 

**Author's Note:**

> Bible verse and title both come from Psalm 23. I used the version from the New American Standard.
> 
> Comments are incredibly welcome, they really make my day. Also, you can visit me on tumblr [here](http://bisexualsteve.tumblr.com) :)


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